Titan TV's test-flight

"What are you up to?"

"Buono estente, Cygnus. I'm making rocket components, and farting," you reply to the TV-unit who's just approached your workstation. "Mostly the farting, if I'm honest."

A camera-unit walks past your workstation with a rustly jingling sound, then they stop as they realise the rustly jingling sound is coming from themself. They crossly pick a load of paperclips out of their trouser turn-ups, before dumping the handful of paperclips on the nearest desk (to the surprise of the unit working at it), making a 'wanker' gesture at no-one in particular, and walking on.

"Also: punishing that there camera-unit for their terrible fashion sense," you continue, more quietly this time. "I keep 'accidentally' dropping my tools so I can crouch down and then surreptitiously flick paperclips into the turnups on their trouser legs. I'm seeing how many I can get in there before they notice."

"...Why?"

"Cygnus... honey. Trouser turn-ups. They deserve it."

Cygnus (the TV-unit you'd nicknamed after their ID number ending in 22 'like two little swans') admired your work ethic and ability to pick things up quickly, and you appreciated their direct straightforwardness. Furthermore, you were one of the few non-TV entities not intimidated by them, and they were one of the few non-human entities who could keep up with your bullshit. Therefore, the two of you had had little choice but to become firm friends. You didn't get to hang out as much as either of you would like; Cygnus's high rank in TV Base keeps them very busy - which makes today's unscheduled visit a pleasant surprise.

A large camera-unit walks over to bring you an empty crate, and pick up the crate of assembled rocket shells that you'd just filled -- obliging Cygnus to step aside for them, and in turn rescuing the TV-unit from having to think of something to say in response to your fashion-policing. The large cam nods to you both in greeting, and tilts its microphone as if raising an eyebrow in friendly fashion. You and Cygnus both nod back as it departs.

"So, what brings you here today, besides enjoying my company?" you ask.

"I'm here on business today; unfortunately, this is just a quick drop-in on my way."

"Quick drop-ins are better than no drop-ins. It's always nice to see you."

"Today's business is something that... might interest you. If all goes to plan, I'll message you with details later. Before I go: I picked this up - a skibidi I killed was holding it. You might as well have it."

Cygnus hands you an still-in-date sealed bottle of your favourite brand of soy sauce.

"What would I do without you, Cygnus? ...Well, probably find another nice and cute TV to imprint upon. But, I assure you, there would be a period of at least ten minutes during which I would be inconsolable."

Cygnus displays an amused smiling emoticon at that. You exhange a fist-bump goodbye, and Cygnus departs in the TVs' usual way in a flurry of black mist.

---

"calling you in a bit, good news" comes a text from your communicator. It's Cygnus, getting back to you just as they said they would.

"hell yeah" you message back (with a thumbs-up emoji, of course).

Cygnus does indeed call. "I have good news: the Titan's upgrades are almost complete. All that remains is to install the new weaponry and perform a test flight-"

"Fuckin' get in!" you interrupt. You always enjoy hearing progress reports on the Titan's upgrades, and you know it must be a disadvantage to the Alliance that they have only 2 out of 3 Titans on the field. Plus, from what battle reports you've heard, Titans Camera and Speaker could really do with the assist...

"...I assume that's a positive outburst. My point is this: as someone who previously worked on the Titan's maintenance - " (Cygnus is referring to the time you assisted the Titan's engineers with performing a core flush, thanks to your human ability to keep working through magnetic fields that would require the TV engineers to step out and de-gauss.) " - you'd be welcome to be present. I thought you might like to watch the upgrades being installed."

"I super would! I've been wanting to see the new melee weapon installed ever since I saw it being assembled. Is it going to be a polearm or a full-length sword? I hope it's a fauchard."

"...How did you know it was either of those?"

"Didn't you notice the layout of the Baird-manifold reflectors on it? What other shape would it be when activated?"

"That's good intel. Maybe we should consider moving you to the engineering team full-time."

You pull an imaginary air-horn in jubilation at the compliment.

Cygnus continues: "I should warn you that this is a highly mission-critical event, so I will need you to... keep out of everyone's way, and rein in your... irreverance somewhat."

"Dial back the bastardry. Got it. To paraphrase our Speaker comrades' preferred battle anthem: 'You will find me acting on my best behaviour'."

"I'm glad you understand. The Imperator will be present, of course. I'm vouching for your presence there, and it won't reflect well on me if you... well, as I suppose you would put it, 'act like a knob-end'."

"Knobbage will remain undeployed."

"...Good to hear. We begin at 0600 tomorrow. Can you be ready to depart fifteen minutes prior?"

"I'll need an early night tonight! But yes, I can do that."

"Good. I've already spoken to your supervisor; you have tomorrow off, of course. And I had them approve an early finish for you today to give you time to prepare."

"Cygnus, you fucking beauty. Ever so efficient, as always."

"It's what I do best. I must depart now - I look forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"Right, see you at stupid o'clock tomorrow. G'night, buddy."

"Good night, human."

---

You wake up a few times earlier than required the next morning, out of excitement. You have to keep calming yourself back to sleep - you feel raring to get up already, but you need to make use of all the rest-hours available to you. You eventually get up in plenty of time to begin the day in your usual way: with cleaned teeth, an hour of stretching and hard exercise, followed by a shower to wash off the sweat and a strong coffee to undo the previously-pristine condition of your teeth.

(You'd practically wept with joy when you finally found a way to cultivate coffee in your hydroponic farm just outside the Alliance base. It's a needy plant, normally needing to be grown on a tropical mountainside, but - with the help of several metres of polytunnel, plus some Alliance scientists sympathetic to your desire and interested to work on a non-military side-project - you'd pulled it off. Delicious coffee!)

Coffee is accompanied by breakfast (mostly fried beans, pulses and mushrooms you'd grown, and fish you'd caught -- you really must find some chickens so you can get eggs, you think), which in turn is followed by grooming and dressing. You opt for a tasteful black and dark grey outfit today, and set it off with a purple lapel pin in tribute to the colour scheme of the TV faction.

Cygnus spawns in your quarters at quarter to six, right on cue. You pull them into a hug of greeting - after a moment of surprise, they return it. Only briefly, though; you both have places to be.

"You remember what I said yesterday?" Cygnus displays a grave emoticon as they ask you.

"Yeah, no thwoppage of knobbage, I remember. I can be civil when I have to be, Cygnus."

"Thank you. Good outfit, by the way."

"Thanks for noticing. Are we departing now?"

"We are." Cygnus clasps their hands to your upper arms and teleports you both.

You both spawn in the main hub of the TV Base. It's more animated than you've ever seen it before! Cygnus holds your hand - are they worried you'll feel intimated by the number of TV-units? How sweet. You squeeze their gloved hand in affectionate gratitude. The two of you walk hand-in-hand towards the Titan's hangar. (Maybe Cygnus is actually concerned you'll wander off, thinks the cynical part of you.)

"As I said yesterday," Cygnus says as you walk, "the Imperator will doubtless be present. Of course you should feel free to speak to them if they address you first, but otherwise please stay out of their way and don't bother them."

"Understood." You try to keep your voice solemn to show you understand the gravity of the situation.

"That goes for their two guards as well. It's an open secret that those two were candidates for being upgraded to Titan status."

Your mind briefly reels at the casual revelation that the Titan was formerly a standard unit. But really, it makes sense - from a time, training, and faction-loyalty perspective - that the Titans' minds would come from existing units. Still, it goes on your mental list of things to investigate later.

"I take it that by 'open secret' you mean I shouldn't mention that fact?" you reply momentarily, after marshalling your thoughts.

"Yes. Your ability to pick things up quickly serves you and the Alliance well. ...I should also warn you about Polycephaly. You know of the multi-headed unit?"

"Yes, though only from recordings, of course."

"You might find them... abrasive. I suggest you don't approach them unless they approach you first."

"Noted."

"...I know perfectly well you can hold your own. And that's what I'm afraid of. I have a suspicion that the two of you would be adept at... aggravating each other. That's the kind of scenario that as a diplomat it is my job to prevent."

"How about I just don't provoke anyone unless you instruct me otherwise?"

"Indeed. Please do not."

The pair of you arrive at the security check outside the Titan's hangar.

"Do you get to go inside?" you ask the security guard as you get granted clearance. It seems unfair that they have to miss out on this, when it's partially thanks to them that everyone else gets to.

"Regrettably, no. I must remain at my post."

"Oh, Cygnus, can you do anything about that?" you ask your companion. "Pull on some strings?"

"...I will see what I can do, but I can guarantee nothing," Cygnus says to you both, and notes something on their tablet.

You enter the hangar, which looks busier than you've ever seen it but otherwise just as you remembered it: walls bristling with overlapping black and purple pipes and cables, and criss-crossed by intersecting gantries enabling the Titan's team of engineers to access the Titan, sitting in the middle, from all angles.

"Does it matter to you that the security guard gets to be here?" asks Cygnus.

"Not personally, but...sort of? It only seems fair. Did I overstep?"

"Not as such. Your motivation was kind, I suppose. But I would advise you to remain focused. We all have roles to play here. Do not take it upon yourself to solve all problems-"

"Shit a brick!" your exclamation cuts off Cygnus. A few TVs turn heads at your outburst.

"Is something wrong?"

"No!" you bark in demented joy. You're transfixed by the sight of the Titan in its intimidating new outfit and with its much bigger and fiercer shoulder-spikes - and the addition of the purple crown-like ornamentation on its head.

One of the Titan's engineering team follows your gaze, then turns back to you. They say: "I take it you approve of the Titan's new appearance?"

"Oh hell yeah!" you reply. (Then quietly to yourself: "Ohh, I neeed a me-sized copy of that outfit. Big gender envy.")

"Well, it gets better," replies the engineer, displaying a winking emoticon, "We're not finished installing upgrades yet."

"Wa-hey! Then I didn't miss the main event!"

The engineer gives you a fist-bump in appreciation of your enthusiasm, then excuses themself to resume their work.

Cygnus makes notes on their tablet. They say to you: "You can stay with me if you'd like, but feel free to break away and mingle any time. I trust you will remain true to your word and keep out of everyone's way."

"I'm going to do that. Mingle, I mean. And the 'keep out of the way and don't start shit' thing; I'm going to do that too. ...I do like spending time with you, but this is a rare opportunity."

"Of course. I'll probably be in this area if you need to track me down. If you can't find me, ping me on comms, but mind what you say; all comms within the hangar are monitored."

...Wow. Was anyone planning on telling you that sooner? Well... you suppose, in retrospect, that's absolutely to be expected. Luckily, you can't think of any time you've used your communicator in the hangar. Cygnus is still awaiting your response... You rally your thoughts and reply: "Understood. I'm off to go mingle -- if you need to track me down... I guess look for the shortest person about, and the only one who's made of meat."

"Not to worry," says Cygnus, making a tapping motion in front of their screen to indicate 'vision', "Your heat signature is quite different from anyone else's. You're easy to pick out in a crowd of techfolk."

You and Cygnus part ways with a friendly fist-bump and a smiling emoticon from Cygnus.

Time for a wander. You'd better stick to the perimeter walkways; the inner network of gantries is occupied by the Titan's team of engineers going back and forth, connecting and consulting read-out panels, pulling various switches and levers, calling out various numbers to each other, and tapping their handheld tablets.

You find a good viewing point to watch the current upgrade: additional rings of armour and what looks like some clawed appendages are being installed upon the Titan's core. (A few more TV-units, most of them scientists, notice you watching from your optimum position, and move to join you in observing.) Several engineers are welding the new parts to the Titan's core, standing on some cherry picker-type platforms that emanate from the gantries. The Titan itself is observing intently, its huge screen tilted down to regard what's happening to its core chamber. There's something else different about its head in addition to the 'crown', but you can't work out what it is yet...

Occasionally the Titan moves its fingers into place on the core assembly to assist the engineers. You admire the team's cohesiveness, with the colossal Titan and its relatively tiny engineers working in perfect tandem to maximise efficiency. You even notice one of the engineers give the Titan's nearest finger a brief pat while working - how cute! The engineering team and their Titan must be fond of each other. You wonder how well they knew each other before the Titan became the Titan.

You cast your attention around the hangar, enjoying observing the crowds of TV-units. (Well, maybe 'crowds' is generous. It's still more TV-units than you've ever seen in one place before.) You spot Cygnus on a lower walkway, and the two of you wave to each other as Cygnus passes. You notice some blast-doors opening on the lowest level of the hangar, and more upgrade components being wheeled out - time to move for a closer look at those.

You un-slump from leaning on the walkway railings, and stretch a bit to return your posture to normal. You turn around and notice the Imperator talking to a cluster of other TVs. They're accompanied by their two imposing and stoic bodyguards, as expected. You look between them - one of them has what appears to be an LED torch mounted on the side of their head-casing; the other, a normal unadorned head. You notice that Torchless wears dark fuchsia-pink socks in apparent defiance of TV fashion norms. As you've no idea what they're normally called, you mentally assign them the nicknames Torch and Pink Socks for now.

Torch notices you looking. They display a neutral emoticon on their screen to affect a pair of 'eyes', and they do the two-fingers 'I'm watching you' gesture. You nod to confirm your acknowledgement.

The Imperator turns their head to see what Torch is reacting to, and then they notice you. Their screen lights up a pleasant fuschia-purple, burning a statement into your mind: "You should get over here". Everything in your vision beyond your foveas ripples and fades into irrelevance - all you're interested in looking at right now is that glowing purple rectangle. The soundless wordless concept-voice inside your mind is so kind, so sweet, so inviting - you dearly want to obey. It deserves your obedience. You realise that you're walking briskly towards the Imperator - you hadn't noticed that you'd started moving. The Imperator displays a delighted emoticon on their purple screen and extends their arms to pull you into an embrace as you approach. This feels nice! The Imperator gives you a friendly squeeze before turning off their purple traction power and disengaging from you. You'd heard that the Imperator was pretty liberal about dispensing hugs, but you're still delighted to be deemed worthy of one on your first meeting!

You realise that the Imperator's stance suggests they're addressing you, but you hear no words and can't see that they're making any gestures. Are they expecting you to say something?

"Imperator, I'm not sure the human can hear you," points out Pink Socks.

The Imperator very briefly flashes a disgruntled expression (brief enough that you reckon it wasn't directed at you; more at themself), then reaches up to adjust the dials on their head-casing. (You'd been wondering about those - not many TV-units seem to have them.)

"Better?" asks the Imperator, within your hearing range this time. Their screen displays a quizzical emoticon.

"Yes, Imperator; that's grand," you reflexively give a thumbs-up as you reply.

"As I was saying: I've been made aware that we have you to thank for the Titan's upgrades being ready ahead of schedule."

"Thank you, Imperator," you endeavour to be at your politest, "Your praise means a lot to me. Was it your idea to have me work on flushing the Titan's core?"

"I wish I could claim such a good idea. No, that was the chief engineer."

"I wasn't aware - I must thank them for the opportunity when I can. I'd like to point out that Fifty-Twenty-Two deserves praise for their part in this as well." (You're referring to Cygnus - other TVs know them by their number rather than the nickname you gave them.) "They arranged the whole thing." In truth, Cygnus barely did anything except appear one day and tell you that you needed to haul arse to TV Base - but if a bit of creative exaggeration can help your friend gain some points with the Imperator, you'll do that for them.

We both know damn well that's not true," the Imperator replies, displaying a cheery emoticon, "but I admire your intent."

"...Thank you, Imperator."

"I noticed you observing the core upgrades. May I know your opinion, as someone who previously worked on it?"

"In short: extremely impressed. I especially approve of the addition of the plasma beam launcher, and the use of the stacked freikugel accelerators to increase its output."

The Imperator briefly displays a hostile emoticon. "Who told you about that?"

"...No-one, Imperator. I inferred the beam launcher from the presence of the reciprocating arms, which I assume impart the rifling needed to stabilise the beam, and the accelerators from the very specialised couplings on the core chamber's new rings. Am I wrong?"

"...You're wasted on the Camera faction. You really ought to be working in TV Base full-time."

You'd certainly enjoy working here more often! You're not sure you relish the idea of living here, though - the Camera Base is mostly built upon an abandoned human military installation, and therefore is equipped with human-made necessities such as kitchens and (non-skibidi) flushing toilets. The TV Base was constructed by and for the TVs and lacks such amenities. Plus, there's your hydroponic farm at the Camera Base. Doubleplus, the TV Base is dark everywhere! The Camera-units' visual light range is a much closer match for a human's.

"My organic limitations keep me tethered to the Camera Base," you say, "But I'm delighted by your kind words!"

"I must depart. It was good to finally meet you." The Imperator holds up a friendly fist. You fist-bump, and notice that Torch and Pink Socks are moving in readying their own fists.

You address both bodyguards: "May I try fist-bumping both of you simultaneously?"

Both of them display smiling emoticons at that, and move into position. The three of you fist-bump at the same time, to your mutual amusement.

"Yess," you say, delighted by the perfect timing.

The Imperator displays an amused emoticon, before stepping between their two bodyguards and pulling them both inwards to teleport the three of them. The trio vanishes in a column of smoky black mist. That was a hoot! You're looking forward to telling Cygnus about the encounter later. (You'll omit the part where you tried to go to bat for them but didn't get anywhere.)

You realise you still haven't seen what was coming through the blast doors on the lower levels. Time to go and look! Turning back around, you notice that the Titan got another upgrade while you were busy talking to the Imperator: they now have an additional monitor screen mounted to one shoulder, with the other one about to be installed. You move closer to the walkway railings to watch the process. The weight of the monitor is being taken by a crane mounted to a trackway on the ceiling, while the Titan themself guides the lowering screen into place. Multiple engineers on more of the cherry-picker platforms stand by to complete the installation, matching the various plugs on the base of the screen to sockets on the Titan's shoulder. You notice the ruffle of metal fins at the base of each screen, presumably serving as both heat-dispersal and acting as a baffle to prevent the screens being sawn off by skibidi weapons. You're really hoping to talk to the engineering team later about it and ask if you can see the blueprints.

"What's this skibidi-faced bastard doing here? Disgusting," you hear a new voice say.

You turn to the sound and behold the largest non-Titan TV-unit you've ever seen. You reckon you know exactly who this is... and you also feel you already understand them perfectly. The large TV unfurls four additional sub-screens from behind its back and flares them angrily.

Several shocked TVs look back and forth between you and the big unit, expecting a shitstorm.

"Finally! Someone on my level," you say. "Hello, you five-faced fanny, I'm a human," you continue cheerily, walking towards the unit while giving a double thumbs-up. "We're like skibidis who couldn't be bothered."

"...You're actually a human? There's really a living, unskibbed human in the base? I'd heard of you but I thought everyone was talking shit!" The large TV-unit kneels to get a better look at you, its smaller screens craning inwards.

"Well, they weren't. ...No more so than usual, anyway," you say, holding up a friendly fist.

The large unit returns your fistbump, politely curtailing their strength to match yours. "I like you already, human. My name is Polycephaly. I am going to pick you up now."

"Wa-hey!" you exclaim joyfully as Polycephaly stands and you get picked up. Pick-ups and carries are always a treat!

"I am picking you up in mockery of your tiny size. Do not derive enjoyment from this."

"Too late, fucko." You wriggle happily, getting comfy.

Polycephaly responds by changing from cradling you in their arms to carrying you under-arm like a paper-hanger's table. You're still delighted, and laugh out loud. This TV is a welcome island of dickheadedness in a sea of formality.

You see Cygnus sprinting over (you guess they're in too much of a state of haste to target a teleport), their screen's vertical hold wavering from stress, presumably from worrying about what you and Polycephaly would say or do to each other. You give Cygnus an enthusiastic double thumbs-up as you pass - once they see that the two of you are actually getting along, they noticeably relax, displaying a cheery emoticon.

"Hello little budgie," says Polycephaly to Cygnus.

You twist and look up at Polycephaly quizzically. Cygnus looks no more enlightened than you.

"That's what I heard the human nicknamed you. Isn't it?" Polycephaly continues addressing Cygnus.

You laugh raucously. "Different kind of bird."

"Hello Polycephaly," says Cygnus. "Please be gentle with the human."

Polycephaly lifts you up again to resume cradling you in their arms. You squeak in amusement. "Can I keep it?" Polycephaly asks Cygnus.

"No... I sort of need it," replies Cygnus. You know (well, assume) they're talking about work-related reasons, but your friend's words still melt you.

Polycephaly moves their hand in to ruffle your hair curiously (provoking a happy-grunt from you). They begin: "Would it be fair to say, human-"

You interrupt: "It would be very fair to say 'human'; that's what I am." You bark with laughter.

"How dare you be funnier than me."

Polycephaly and you both laugh more at this exchange. Even Cygnus looks wryly amused.

"Anyway, what is this thing on your head for?" Polycephaly ask as their sub-screens crane in for a better look.

"It's purely for impressing other humans. It's a bit like the display crests that some birds have. It signals 'Look at my lovely hair; aren't I a magnificent human? You should want to be friends with me and bring me treats'."

"So you're like a little budgie too."

"Yep - I'm cute and soft and good at causing chaos. ...And I'll poo on ya if you're not careful."

Polycephaly pretends they're going to throw you off the walkway.

You cackle, then: "Polycephaly, have you seen what the engineers are up to? It looks as though the Boss is going to rival you for number of screens."

Polycephaly turns to face the Titan. "Hey, Titan," they call out, hefting you in their arms, "Look what I found."

The Titan turns its head to the source of the voice. It seems its second shoulder-screen is almost in place now, though the engineers seem to be having slight difficulty.

"Hello, Polycephaly. Hello, human," replies the Titan. "I'm glad to see you both here." The Titan ripples and flexes its new array of black and purple spikes mounted at its back - you pull an imaginary air-horn in appreciation.

"It's good to see you, boss!" you call out, twisting in Polycephaly's arms to better face the Titan.

"Polycephaly, bring the human a bit closer, would you?" asks the Titan.

Polycephaly grips you tighter, then your world is briefly swirling blackness. They've teleported you to a gantry a bit nearer the Titan but still out of the way of the main pod of engineers currently at work.

The Titan turns its head to regard its shoulder with the new screen already fixed in place. Apparently satisfied with whatever it saw, it lifts its arm to bring its hand near the gantry on which you and Polycephaly are standing. (Well, Polycephaly is standing. You're still being carried like a pet.)

"I think you'll approve of these, human," The Titan says as it shows off its new glove - dark purple with lighter decorative stitching, in contrast to their plain black previous pair.

"What the shit?!" you exclaim, "That's too cool! I wish I had a pair like that - oh!"

The Titan turns its hand so you can get a better view of the back, which is bristling with more of the metal fins like the ones protecting its new shoulder screens.

"Hell yeah, I do approve," you affirm. "That's a fistful of fuck-you! ...Boss, you look regal."

The Titan displays a proud emoticon at your words. After a moment, the already-installed shoulder-screen displays the same thing. At least that one is working, which is more than can be said for the other one.

There's something about the Titan's new outfit that piques your curiosity: "Boss, I'd like to know - what does a Titan keep in its top pocket?"

"Anything it likes," replies the Titan, moving its hand in to take you off Polycephaly and pick you up.

Whoa! What a thrill! ...The Titan slides you into its top pocket. You laugh with the sheer excitement.

There's a surprising amount of crap in here with you, sculling at your feet... You suspect that some of the engineers have been stashing things in here for later. You pick up a weird-looking thing and poke your head out of the pocket.

"Hey, what's this thing?" you call out to the nearest engineer, holding up some sort of bespoke part.

The engineer's screen displays a shocked expression and they rush to drive their cherry-picker platform over to you so they can take it off you. "There was a part missing!" the engineer calls out to one of their colleagues, driving the moving platform back up to the other engineers who have so far failed to install the new screen.

Polycephaly points and laughs from the gantry at the engineers. "The human's put you to shame!"

With the correct part in hand, the engineers quickly resume installing the second shoulder-screen. ("You're welcome," you mutter under your breath.) You can't really get a good look from your angle, though. You're torn between asking to come out so you can better watch the rest of the upgrades or whether to just stay here enjoying the unique perspective and the closeness of the Titan.

The decision is shortly made for you, when the Titan asks: "Imperator, would you please extricate the human?"

You wait for the Imperator to teleport into the Titan's pocket next to you. Instead, to your surprise, just the Imperator's head comes flying into view. "Waargh, Gordon Bennett!" you exclaim in surprise. Oh yeah, you'd heard they could do that.

"No, just the Imperator," they reply. Their screen displays a mischievous emoticon as a clawed metal appendage protracts from the underside of their floating head, then their screen once again shines pink-purple and burns a command into your mind: "Grab that."

You do so, grasping the appendage with both fists and tugging down to demonstrate that your grip is in place. The Imperator's rockets surge, lifting you upwards and out of the Titan's top pocket, then begin flying you to the nearest gantry, where Polycephaly and now Cygnus are awaiting your arrival.

"What the shit?!" you say in excited admiration, "Imperator, you're so strong!"

The Imperator's flying head sets you down on the gantry. They turn their screen to you, display a winking emoticon, then fly away out of sight.

"Well, that was certainly something," you remark to Cygnus. You're a little worried you might have gone against Cygnus's earlier exhortations to not arse about, but they don't seem at all displeased.

Polycephaly immediately picks you back up. They seem to like holding you. Luckily for you both, you enjoy being held.

You turn your gaze back to the Titan to observe the engineers finally get the second shoulder monitor in place. (You also notice, down below, another set of blast doors opening to allow yet more equipment to enter the hangar.)

You hear the engineers call out various numbers and words like 'calibration pattern'. In response, the Titan duplicates their main screen display on both of their shoulder monitors, sometimes one at a time and sometimes both together. (Oh, they have yet another new screen on their belt. You hadn't seen that one until now.) Polycephaly idly scritches your head as you both watch the light-show.

After a few rounds of this, the engineers add a new batch of command words to the mix. Out of the Titan's head-casing slide two additional sub-screens - "Motherfuckin' what?!" you cry, making Polycephaly jump. So that's what else looked different about the Titan's head that you couldn't identify!

The Titan and some of the engineers look slightly in your direction upon hearing your outburst, but don't let it distract them from continuing the test. The Titan continues the sequence of displaying various test card images on its main screen and then duplicating them to its sub-screens, in response to what the engineers call out. The sequences increase in complexity, turning into various combinations of screens working simultaneously, and various pathways of the images 'chasing' each other around the network of screens. It's hypnotic to watch.

Eventually the engineers have exhausted the battery of tests and are evidently confident that the Titan has full control over its... six screens (so it does have more than Polycephaly now) and can operate all of them independently or in tandem as needed. You're amazed - is there anything the Titan can't do?! The Titan lets all the patterns dissolve and all screens return to their default whitish static, and then tucks its head-screens back in. You close your eyes and you can still see the after-images of all the dancing patterns on your retinas.

You open your eyes after a little while, to see the Titan attaching to its arm what must be the base of its new melee weapon. (That must have been what the new equipment was that arrived through the blast-doors.) Ohh yeah, you're excited to see that in action... wait, there isn't enough space inside the hangar to deploy it, is there? How will they test it??

Your question is answered by the sound of hydraulics powering up coming from the hangar walls, and you realise the roof is retracting...

Something occurs to you. "Shit - Polycephaly, port me to the meeting room, quickly. Or anywhere but the hangar-"

To Polycephaly's credit, they immediately crouch down and begin teleporting you before the end of your sentence. The pair of you spawn in the meeting room - you're both relieved and pleased that Polycephaly assumes that you had a good enough reason and they didn't waste time questioning you first.

"I must take my leave," says Polycephaly, setting you down on the floor, "This room is quite literally cramping my style." They'd crouched before teleporting because this room isn't tall enough for them to fully stand. Polycephaly teleports out at almost the same time as Cygnus spawns in.

"Are you okay - are you hurt or in distress?" Cygnus asks rapidly, running towards you to hold you.

"I'm fine," you affirm, opportunistically returning their hug.

"What was that about?" Cygnus disengages from you.

"I've never seen the exterior of the TV Base, and we need to keep it that way! ...If the enemy caught me, they might be able to get the location of the Base out of me. If I never see the outside, then I can't know where it is and I can't reveal that information."

Cygnus's screen displays a shocked emoticon, then a harrowed one. "That's... tactically sound. I'm pleased by your quick thinking and shocked at myself for not considering that."

The Imperator spawns in, along with Torch and Pink Socks. The Imperator adjusts one of their head-dials before speaking. "Human, the- oh, bitch-ass dial..." another brief dial adjustment, then: "Human, the Titan requested that I check on you. It was concerned that its weapon somehow affected you."

You're absolutely touched that not only did the Titan request that, but that the Imperator went along with it.

"Don't stop on my account," you say, "Fifty-Twenty-Two is looking after me - please don't let me keep you and the engineers from completing the Titan's upgrades. I know everyone's under time pressure."

The Imperator nods approvingly.

Before the Imperator can teleport away, Cygnus cuts in: "Imperator, the human made a good point." Cygnus briefly summarises what you'd said.

The Imperator turns to you. "Commendable. I'm sure you'd like to see the weapon upgrade test, so I'll have the Titan and engineers perform it in a non-specific location further from the base."

"...You'd really do all that just so I can watch?"

"...Did you forget that we all can do this?" the Imperator says as they step forward and grab you, then teleport you.

You spawn in an outdoor location you don't recognise. Nondescript, like a quarry in Wales. You look around and can't see any Alliance-affilated buildings - you've no idea where you are in location to anywhere else. The Imperator's two bodyguards spawn in, one of them holding hands with Cygnus (they disengage momentarily after arriving).

The Imperator's screen dissolves into noisy static (in both the audio and visual meanings of 'noisy') and their antenna unfold to their maximum length and rise to their tallest angle. Are they calling the other TV-units? After several seconds, a huge cloud of TV teleport-mist materialises nearby. A cloud that size can come from only the Titan. The Titan spawns into place, its arms full of its engineering crew and several scientists and field agents. Many more TV-units are holding onto the Titan's legs, Polycephaly among them. The Titan crouches so everyone can disembark and it can set down the units it's carrying in its arms.

The Imperator appears to address everyone, but you hear no words. Cygnus translates for you: "The Imperator said something along the lines of 'change of plans, we're performing the open-air tests over here'."

"Thanks, buddy," you say.

The Titan stands. You're aware of the Titan turning its head to face you in particular as it does so.

"Fuck a bastard!" you exclaim. With you standing on the ground and the Titan standing at its full height (instead of sitting in its hangar while you stand on a raised gantry), the Titan is truly an awe-inspiring sight! You're very glad you are on the same side - you almost feel sorry for any skibidi that has to face the Titan's wrath in battle.

"I'm sure you've been looking forward to this, human," says the Titan, as they unsheath their new melee weapon - a colossal energy blade, in characteristic TV-faction purple.

"Ohhhhhh sweet douche candybar, boss, you are so going to fuck shit up with that... Wait, can you even hear me? Your head's like sixty metres away from me."

"I can," the Titan says, along with displaying an amused emoticon. "There really isn't anything the Titan can't do, is there?", you think.

The Titan turns its gaze to its engineers, awaiting their instructions for which tests to perform first. You watch the Titan in awestruck admiration as it performs various manoeuvres, swinging its blade in slicing actions, along with testing the speed of the retraction and release mechanisms at varying speeds and angles.

You're aware of Polycephaly arriving again. They reach down to pick you up again, and you let them.

"If you're a budgie," says Polycephaly, "you should probably be sitting on my shoulder." They sit you up there, moving one of their sub-screens in to give you something to lean against. You use it as an arm-rest while you dig a snack out of your pocket - it has been several hours since breakfast. Meanwhile, Polycephaly grabs Cygnus (who gives a static squawk of surprise) and places them on their other shoulder. You lean around Polycephaly's main head to look at Cygnus, and you laugh in amusement, then again in sheer exuberance. You're hanging out with a new friend and with your dear friend Cygnus, watching the Titan, resplendent in full battle-gear, going through its paces in the light of the sunrise. This is absolutely cool as all hell!

"Hot piss! Look at the boss go!" you say, as the engineers have the Titan integrate the sword tests in with its jetpack tests. "It's almost unsporting to the skibidis."

You watch the Titan run through its series of tests using its modified back-spikes. In your excitement over the sword you'd forgotten all about those! The Titan becomes a whirling maelstrom of certain death - you're so engrossed in the sight you have to remind yourself to breathe at one point!

Eventually the tests come to an end -- the engineers have had the Titan try out seemingly every possible permutation of using its interlinked screens, its sword and its back-spikes, both on the ground and in the air - and the Titan performs them all flawlessly. It's as much a credit to the skills of the engineers as to the Titan itself.

The Titan kneels so it can better speak to its engineers (and bask in the admiration of all the assembled TV-units). Polycephaly walks you closer, and you hear snatches of the engineers' confirmations that all tests were executed perfectly.

Something occurs to you: "What do they mean, 'all'? There's still one left."

The Titan turns its head to you. "That's right," it affirms, "There's still the main event... and guess who's got a front row seat?"

The Titan reaches towards you, as Polycephaly lifts you off its shoulder and holds you out for the Titan to pick up. (It's beginning to feel that you've spent more time today being picked up by giant TVs than with your feet on the ground.) The Titan stands up, still holding you carefully, then places you back in its top pocket. You're already excited - this is going to be the best show on earth!

You feel the Titan's stance change as it plants its feet, then a wave of vibration spreads through its entire frame as its core assembly charges up. The claw-like reciprocating arms spin up, generating trails of purple and white luminous particles.

"What the shit?!" you exclaim, "How did they increase the power of the field that high with such a minimal increase in diameter? I thought I understood how it worked but I understand fuck-all!"

"The most powerful of all Titans must have the most brilliant team of engineers."

"I hope you tell them that, boss!"

The Titan's core blaster erupts into a purple beam that carves a devastating rip into the landscape, rending gouts of fused glass from the sandy ground.

"Oh motherfucker! Jesus Frankenstein! Oh vagina binocular!" You're too amazed for your brain to even come up with normal expletives. "This is the greatest day of my life!"

The Titan brings its hands up to its top pocket to extricate you. They reach two fingers into the pocket to scoop you out and into their other hand, before crouching to set you back down on the ground. The Titan gives you the gentlest of head-pats before standing back up again. Cygnus quickly moves in to join you.

You hug Cygnus tightly, as much as a 'dispelling excess energy' stim as with pleasure at being with your friend. After a moment of being too surprised to react, Cygnus returns your hug, not as crushingly. You loosen your squeeze a little into normal hug levels of pressure. (In the edges of your vision, you're aware of the huge black mist cloud of the Titan teleporting away.)

"Oh, Cygnus," you say as you lean into your friend delightedly, "Today's been brilliant. Thank you for arranging everything so I could come along."

Cygnus pats your back and is about to say something when Polycephaly interrupts.

"Fuckety-bye, little budgies," Polycephaly says, patting each of you on the head in turn (startling Cygnus). "I'll see you around."

You wave goodbye as Polycephaly disappears in a black fog.

"I suppose that's our cue for porting back?" you ask Cygnus.

"Yes," Cygnus confirms. "We'll need to return to base and get you fully off-boarded before I can take you back home." (Good - you don't want to go home just yet!) Cygnus pulls you in close and initiates the teleport back to TV Base.

You hold Cygnus tightly for reassurance during the teleport - it's always slightly unnerving travelling through the black void. You're aware of other TVs nearby, zipping along the same void-pathway as you and Cygnus. The two of you spawn in the Base main hub as before. You give Cygnus a final squeeze before you disengage from them.

"What happens now?" you ask.

"To my office," replies Cygnus, "I've got something that needs your attention."

Oh! Exciting!

You walk with Cygnus, taking in the sights as you go - updating your mental map of the TV base with the new corridors, and marvelling at how many TV-units there are in one place today.

There's a pause while you and Cygnus are cleared to enter the block of offices where Cygnus spends most of their working hours.

Once in Cygnus's office, your companion picks up a sheaf of papers from a desk and hands it to you. Ohh, did they get hold of some Titan schematics for you to look at? What... oh. This looks boring as shit!

Cygnus explains: "Unfortunately, there's a lot of bureaucracy involved in allowing a non-TV access to the Base during such a mission-critical event... especially as we never considered that it could be a non-techfolk, so none of the standard Alliance forms quite applied to you, which in turn meant we had to raise a planned deviation... Plus, none of our computers are designed to work for a user with meat-based eyes, which means it'll have to be paperwork filled in by hand. It's a good thing you have the rest of the day off from your usual work." Cygnus hands you a pen. You're going to have to fill in this whole boring bastard before you can go home.

"Ohh... dick and both nuts!"