Polycephaly's spa day

Polycephaly was thoroughly soaked and thoroughly pissed off about it. They could feel the awful sensation of sloppy grit and silt falling down inside them, and the feel of wet clothing clinging to their plating wasn't particularly pleasant either. A change of clothes would be nice, but there was little point if they were simply going to ooze wetness and grime and soak the next ones too. Polycephaly most wanted to just lie down and recharge for a bit, but they'd need to get their charging port dried out first. (And they didn't fancy the prospect of inevitably having to clean all the grime and slime off their bed.) Repairs were needed.

"What the shit?" said one of the techs as Polycephaly wriggled into one of the repair bays. "You're a fucking mess."

Polycephaly felt like flipping the middle finger, but restrained themself - no point antagonising anyone who was about to open your plating.

The tech displayed an ellipsis on their screen, indicating they were thinking hard. "A moment. I need to make some calls." The tech went away through a door that Polycephaly couldn't fit through. Dammit.

Polycephaly backed out into the corridor. No idea how long they'd have to wait - might as well wait in the space where they could stand. A little puddle was building up around their shoes. A message arrived on Polycephaly's communicator: "One of your repair techs contacted me. Port to my co-ords for check-up. R." Who was this R?

Polycephaly docked their communicator to their tablet and put the latter into GPS mode to find the site. (It wasn't actually GPS, of course. That system had been run by one of the human militaries and was either downed or under Skibidi control by now. But the name had stuck amongst the Alliance.) Polycephaly expected it to be one of the TV faction's outposts, but to their surprise this was clearly a Soundkind base.

Well, that made sense, once Polycephaly thought about it. They were their faction's only large unit, and most of TV Base's facilities weren't suitable for them. Polycephaly usually had to go to the Titan's hangar for repairs and servicing, but the cleaning equipment for the Titan would actually be too big for Polycephaly. The Soundkind faction, on the other hand, was packed with large units. It stood to reason that their bases would have cleaning bays that could accommodate Polycephaly.

Polycephaly turned widdershins and stepped sideways from reality into the void. It was near-impossible for most TVs to port somewhere they'd never been, but Polycephaly wasn't most TVs. They wetly unfurled their stems, dripping silty and salty water, and cast their screens in multiple directions, scanning for the snarl of void-pathways that would take them to their destination. Polycephaly elegantly 'fell' through a few layers of the void, landing on the pathway they needed.

Polycephaly sped along the pathways, snapping along right-angled branches, until they neared the Soundkind outpost. They dived one layer deeper so they could navigate with more precision, like a Soundkind switching from long-range to short-range echolocation, and slid elegantly to a halt. There was a crude barrier-web set up here to deter skibs with stolen teleport-tech from exiting the void here and storming the outpost, but it was no obstacle for Polycephaly. They emerged from the void and beheld the outpost in a little mountainous valley. A poor location for defence, maybe, but great for acoustics. Polycephaly entered. They appreciated not having to duck to fit through the front entrance.

Luckily, Polycephaly didn't have to wait long - someone had evidently been posted to await their arrival. A Soundkind unit waved to them. "Here for maintenance?" the unit said. "I've been told to accompany you to the repair centre. Come on - sooner we get there, sooner you can get back to the field."

Polycephaly followed the Soundkind. They appreciated that the Soundkind sensibly hadn't wasted their time with empty pleasantries, as non-TVs were wont to do. And they appreciated the Soundkind not being awestruck in the presence of an elite unit. It was somewhat flattering when people did that, but was its own kind of tiresome. Polycephaly appreciated less the reminder that their services as an elite agent were always in demand and everything was go, go, go.

The pair walked to the repair centre. Polycephaly could tell that the Soundkind was furtively trying to 'echo' them - chirping at them to build up an echolocation image to better supplement their poor image processing. Polycephaly let them.

"Here we are," said the small Soundkind. "Rochester will get you sorted, I'm sure." Ah - so that was what 'R' stood for. The Soundkind departed, and Polycephaly entered.

"Bloody hell. I won't ask what happened to you," said an odd-sounding voice. Was this Rochester? "Clothes off, if you would. I can see you're going to need a thorough detailing inside and out. Drop 'em over there; I'll have someone wash them."

Polycephaly began to undo their garments, and cast their mind around for the yes-I-live signal of the voice's owner. There wasn't one - was this someone speaking through a tannoy? Or had this unit installed a signal dampener for stealth?

To Polycephaly's surprise, the voice had come from a human. There were a few of them working for the Alliance, but they were a rare encounter. Seeing one always brought mixed feelings for Polycephaly. It was nice to see that some humans were still unskibbed, but the sight was a reminder that their species was functionally extinct... and that humanity's annihilation was the reason for Polycephaly's existence. If not for the skibidi plague, there would have been no reason to create large combat units.

"Oh, you are proper muddy," said the human. They had a shock of dyed-green hair, with matching green eye-shadow upon one eye. Upon the other, a black eyepatch emblazoned with a green 'X'. "I quite like dealing with mud. Sluices right off when it's wet, and brushes off when it's dry. Have a lie down on the cleaning bench, I'll get you sorted."

The human had-?! No, they appeared to have four arms... Polycephaly realised what they were looking at: the human had the normal number of arms for a human, plus a couple of artificial ones sprouting at their back from a mechanical exoskeleton. The exoskeleton wrapped the human's torso and their legs - perhaps boosting the human's lifting power, Polycephaly speculated.

The human also wore a thick black furry collar - glamorous, but impractical for repair work, especially as it was oddly warm with infra-red... Until it moved, and Polycephaly realised a long-haired black cat was draped over the human's shoulders. The cat re-positioned itself as the human moved, as though the cat was well used to doing this.

Polycephaly protracted their stems with a horrible sloppy-yet-gritty sound, like someone with terrible table manners dunking their grissini in a cheap pot of hummus. They set down their sub-screens on the floor before detaching them, then lay down on the cleaning bench - sized for a large Soundkind and perforated with drainage holes along its length.

The cat sniffed the air, then jumped off Rochester and trotted over to the cleaning bench, before jumping up and sniffing at Polycephaly.

"Hello, little creature," said Polycephaly. "Oh, two of you." Another fluffy black cat emerged from under the bench and jumped up to join the first.

"Braaaaa," said one of the cats. "Neuuuuughhuuaaa. Ao. Prang? Yack."

"They're interested in you because you smell fishy," said the human. "They're hoping you have a pilchard in your pocket for them."

"What do you call them?" asked Polycephaly.

"Their names are Wurdalak and Walpurgisnacht," said the human. "But I call them Bitey and Shouty."

"Prang? Prt?" said the talkative cat. Polycephaly guessed that one was Shouty.

"...I didn't ask who you were." Polycephaly realised. "I take it you're the 'R' who messaged me?"

"The very same," said the human. "Name's Rochester. I already know you're Polycephaly - you're pretty hard to mistake." Rochester pulled out a selection of plastic scrapers and rubber brushes from one of the many pockets of their overalls and held the tools in a fan like a pigeon's tail while they perused them. "I'm going to give your plating a cursory scrape before I open you up. No point opening you up right now and dumping more filth inside you. I'll get your plating properly clean later, don't you worry. Now, you let me know if I'm poking too hard or being too rough, okay?"

It was rather adorable that the human - Rochester, Polycephaly reminded themself - thought they might hurt the large TV, but Polycephaly appreciated the concern. They realised they hadn't answered Rochester. "...I'll let you know." 'Might as well be useful' thought Polycephaly, and gestured for Rochester to pass one of the tools so Polycephaly could remove some of the mud and silt themself.

"No, you lie back and let me work," said Rochester. "I'm the one who's paid to do this. You can just go ahead and relax."

"They'll be expecting me back," pointed out Polycephaly. "Might as well speed it up."

"No they aren't," said Rochester. "I've booked you in for the full eight hours."

"Shit," said Polycephaly. "Do I really need that much work? ...I feel filthy and knackered but not in need of major repairs."

"No, it won't actually take that long," said Rochester as they continued to slough mud and silt off Polycephaly's plating with their brushes and spatulas. "But... no-one at TV Base needs to know that."

"Wow. Crown," commented Shouty the cat.

Polycephaly thought about what Rochester had said... and left unsaid. It would be expected of Polycephaly, as an elite agent whose skills were always in demand, to make themself available for missions again as soon as possible. Rochester was urging them to take a break for the sake of it. Polycephaly surely needed it, but they felt guilty about it.

"Truth be told," said Rochester, "I'm a fan. Of you, I mean. I've seen your work on many of the broadcasts. Your team put out the call to the Soundkind for use of our cleaning bays, and I couldn't believe my luck! I cleared out my calendar and made sure to get that ticket assigned to myself." Rochester scraped some gunk off Polycephaly's side, and moved to begin cleaning one of their stems.

"Mind my stems," Polycephaly said. "They get a little sensitive."

"Of course," said Rochester. "I'll be gentle as I can. Let me know if it gets too much." The human selected a brush with rubber bristles and used it to dig under a clump of something nasty and lever it off. Polycephaly admired how the human used their exoskeleton arms to hold tools in place and pass them to their normal arms. The action reminded Polycephaly a little of their own stems.

"I was expecting you to just blast me with the hose," Polycephaly admitted.

"As if," said Rochester. "I'm giving you my full treatment, hot wax, the works. When I'm done, you'll look fresh off the factory floor."

It occurred to Polycephaly that Rochester was probably taking a break themself. They'd mentioned 'clearing out their calendar'. It was expected of Polycephaly that they'd make themself available for missions as soon as possible - was it also expected of Rochester that they'd clean Polycephaly as soon as possible and make themself available for more appointments? Maybe Rochester was getting overworked too, and recognised that they both needed this. ...Well, Polycephaly would take it.

"You work for the Soundkind?" asked Polycephaly.

"Sometimes," said Rochester, raising their voice to be heard better. They were currently clearing muck off Polycephaly's legs. "I travel wherever I'm needed. Though... I think the Soundkind and their bases are more fun than the Cams. Don't tell them I said that though. I haven't been to any TV-controlled locations though. You lot are secretive." (Probably another reason that Rochester wanted to meet Polycephaly, the TV mused.) "Sit tight for a sec," Rochester continued, walking back towards Polycephaly's head. "You're a big bugger. I'm going to need a booster."

The human moved away and came back pulling something on wheels. It was a platform on wheeled legs that could span the width of the cleaning bench. Rochester would be able to sit or stand on it and reach Polycephaly's midline from above. The human wheeled the bridge over the bench, and there was a clunk as the bench slid into rills on the floor that would stop it sliding from side to side. Rochester adjusted the bridge's height using its hydraulic controls, then climbed one of the ladders at each end and resumed their work. "Try not to sit up," said Rochester.

Rochester finished de-gunking the area of plating they could reach, then moved to dismount from the bridge.

"Shall I move it for you?" asked Polycephaly. They guessed Rochester was getting off the bridge so they could slide it along the length of the bench and work on the next bit of plating.

"Oh, would you?" asked Rochester. "Towards your head end, if you would."

Polycephaly pulled the bridge further towards them with their hands and two of their stems, and Rochester resumed cleaning.

In this way, both worked in tandem, Rochester directing Polycephaly where to slide the bridge next, until Polycephaly's front was clear of filth.

"Time to turn you over," said Rochester. "No doubt that bit on your back has all mud stuck in it."

Rochester dismounted the bridge and moved it along so Polycephaly could roll over unimpeded. Through the holes in the cleaning bench, Polycephaly noticed that a conical pile of muddy sand had built up on the floor under where their aperture had been. Evidently gravity alone had done some of the work for them. Polycephaly revolved their head so it was still facing upwards - its 'scoop' made it impractical to lie face-down.

As Rochester got to work poking brushes in Polycephaly's back-aperture, Polycephaly tried not to squeak. It did feel good, having that area cleared out. It was hard for Polycephaly to reach inside by themself - they normally had to get a normal-sized unit to help them out with pulling out anything stuck in it, which always stung Polycephaly's pride a bit. It shouldn't do, Polycephaly reminded themself. The TV faction was supposed to be pragmatic, always taking the most sensible course of action. It just made sense to get a smaller unit, who could actually reach inside, to do the task. But it always felt odd, being an elite agent who was expected to excel at difficult mission without complaint, having to ask for help with a mundane task.

"Right, that's the worst of it off," said Rochester. "I'm not going to make your plating pristine just yet because I'm sure there's more where that came from."

As Polycephaly rolled into a supine position again, Bitey the cat took a swipe at the brush Rochester was holding. The human took a clean brush out of their overalls and threw it to the floor for Bitey to menace.

"Myaaa," commented Shouty.

"Next stage is to get your plating opened," said Rochester. "Are you happy for me to continue?"

"It's what I'm here for, isn't it?" replied Polycephaly.

"I wasn't sure if it was a scary prospect," said Rochester. "There isn't really a human analogue for this process, so I don't know how it must feel. I didn't want to go ahead and open you if you weren't ready for it."

"You've done this before?" Polycephaly asked.

"I have, on large Soundkind," said Rochester. "You're my first TV client. ...I actually don't have the specific tool for opening your plating. It might take me a couple of minutes; reckon I'll need to use the large Soundkind tool with a couple of shims."

"That's something I can help with." Polycephaly lifted one of their stems and pushed the geminus connector - the 'grabber' at the end that normally fitted into a sub-screen - into their own charging port. They performed the twisting motion that would normally be done by a mechanic with an unlocking tool, and the locks in their plating detached.

"Well, there's a thing," said Rochester admiringly. They moved to put their hands on Polycephaly's plating, and raised their head to meet Polycephaly's gaze, clearly about to say something.

"Go right ahead," said Polycephaly, correctly guessing what the human was about to ask. "I'll help you with it; I'm a hefty fucker." The way Polycephaly's plating was hinged meant that regular techfolk mechanics were supposed to be able to open it manually for maintenance, but Polycephaly guessed it might be slightly harder going for a human.

Rochester and Polycephaly worked in tandem to open the front plates on the big TV's torso. They elegantly folded into themselves and outwards from Polycephaly's body at the same time, like the wings of an otherworldly metal insect. The human and the TV did the same for the layer of frame-rig under the exo-plating; Rochester undoing the clasps from the endo-struts and Polycephaly pulling the rig plates right out and setting them on the floor with their stems.

"I'm going to pick out any big chunks of mud and detritus I can find and brush off any dry dust," said Rochester. "Then I'm going to disconnect the power in your body so I can safely sluice you out with a wet clean, and put your head on external power. The external power source in here has a UPS and a back-up generator. Are you okay for me to start?"

"You're the professional at this," said Polycephaly. "Why are you asking me?"

"Seems kinda rude to start rootling around in someone's innards without asking first," said Rochester.

"...I appreciate it. Thank you." Mechanics would normally just start their maintenance on Polycephaly without asking. They appreciated Rochester re-assuring them about the uninterruptible power supply too. Polycephaly hadn't been worried about it, but the human's concern was touching.

Rochester put on a pair of safety goggles and a dust mask - Polycephaly guessed it was in anticipation of possibly splashing mud and silt. "Oof," said Rochester as they inspected Polycephaly's innards. "Looks as though a family of poos moved in and died of exploding. ...But nothin' ol' Rochester can't handle."

The human got to work, slinging some tools onto their belt for ease of access. They used some tongs to pick out any solid pieces of matter they could see, flinging them over their shoulder to the floor. It was quite a hypnotic sight as Rochester worked with both their meat-arms and their exo-arms in tandem. "Gotta pull out as much as I can so I don't wash it into any hard-to-reach places inside you," Rochester explained.

Was Rochester narrating because they thought it would re-assure Polycephaly, or were they one of those people who found it helpful to narrate their tasks to themselves to help them concentrate? Polycephaly realised they didn't mind either way.

Polycephaly realised they were relaxing a little. Rochester's touch was reassuringly competent... and it felt rather nice to be told to just lie back and relax and let someone else do all the work for a change. It was a little uncomfortable for Polycephaly having their innards exposed to the air, but it did feel good to have the grit and sludge removed. Rochester was now using a rubber brush to poke out some detritus from a gap, and occasionally using a little air-jet nozzle attached to a compressor to blast out dried silty dust from crevices. Polycephaly could hear Rochester pushing the compressor around with their foot and stepping on its foot-pedal to turn it on and off.

"Do they keep you busy here?" asked Polycephaly the next time Rochester turned the air compressor off.

"I'll say," said Rochester. "It's all worth it, though. Gotta do what we can. That's all anyone can ask of us." The human pushed a long rubber brush like a pipe cleaner into a gap to disturb some seaweed. (Polycephaly wheezed a burst of static and squirmed, then immediately tried to pretend they hadn't.) "What about you? I assume you're busy as arseholes."

"...You're not wrong," said Polycephaly. "I suppose... it's not so much that I don't have enough downtime. I have at least as much as any other agent. But it never fucking feels like enough. You know?"

"Is it..." Rochester paused to think of words. "Is it that you've got lots of time but it's all chopped up into bits? Like pieces of string too short to do anything useful with?"

"...That's exactly it."

"It's why I made sure to block off the next few hours for you," said Rochester.

"Thank you," said Polycephaly. "It's thoughtful of you."

A couple of Soundkind workers entered with a bin on wheels, and began loading Polycephaly's salt-encrusted clothes into it. Two more dropped off what looked like a bale of fabric.

"Borrow these," said one of the Soundkind. "Should tide you over until we wash yours."

"Nice one, thanks." Polycephaly guessed the Soundkind were lending them some clothes meant for one of their large units. It would no doubt be an odd fit, but better than being naked. Techfolk had nothing to hide, of course (except those who chose to install certain mods on themselves), but they felt exposed with nothing covering their plating.

Rochester gave the Soundkind a thumbs-up as they departed. "Right then," said the human. "Next move is to put just your head on external power so I can switch your body off. You won't be able to access anything stored on your hard drives while I do that."

"I'm sure I'll manage."

"It's up to you," said Rochester. "I can temporarily clone the drives so you can still read the contents while I work?"

"No need; it's fine." It was sweet how the human was so concerned about Polycephaly being comfortable.

Rochester put a circuit-blocker - the techfolk equivalent of local anaesthetic - into one of Polycephaly's components and clicked a sequence of switches to activate it. With Polycephaly's pain response disabled, Rochester got to work undoing the mechanical connectors guarding Polycephaly's cabling that routed power between their head and body. By design, there was enough redundancy in the connections that Rochester could disconnect one and re-connect it to external power without Polycephaly perceiving any interruption.

"Scary part next," said Rochester. "I've got to take out your capacitors. If they discharge, that'll be bad times for both of us."

"Just fuck me up," said Polycephaly. "...Oh, that feels bizarre." It didn't hurt as Rochester removed their capacitors, thanks to the circuit-blocker, but it was a sensation that they hadn't expected to feel.

Rochester brought out a jar of paste and a little rubber spatula for applying it. "No, not for you," they said to Bitey and Shouty, who had noticed the jar and hoped that it contained kitty treats. "Now I'm going to put some of this quick-drying paste on some of your more delicate connectors so I don't trap moisture in them and short them out. Same with your coolant caps - don't want to get water in your coolant pipes."

"Weck," Shouty apparently criticised Rochester's application technique. Bitey jumped up and draped themself over Rochester's shoulders.

"Don't get too comfy," Rochester said to the cat. "Gotta take a deep dive in a sec." Rochester addressed Polycephaly: "Thanks to your stems, this next part's going to go easier than normal. I'm going to remove part of the aperture from the inside, so you'll temporarily have a hole in your back. Then I'll hose your innards down and let all the waste-water fall out of your back."

"Do whatever you need to. You know what you're doing. And I'm used to mechanics telling me what's going to happen. Do you need a lift down?"

"If you would?" replied Rochester as they stepped onto the cleaning bench.

Polycephaly brought their stems in and positioned them to form a makeshift little 'ladder' for Rochester to step down and enter the big TV's body cavity. The human did so, stepping in and sliding their way between the tyvek-like membranes that contained Polycephaly's moving parts and prevented any cables getting snagged. It was a surprising sensation for Polycephaly - how much lighter a human was than a techfolk! And soft, but not insubstantially so.

Rochester found their feet on the inside of Polycephaly's back plating, and crouched down, squirming past piping and membranes as they did so. Polycephaly chirped with surprised static (and was very glad there was no-one else here besides Rochester) at the sensation of Rochester taking out part of their aperture - and again upon realising one of the cats had jumped inside their body cavity.

"Rule zero of techfolk maintenance," said Rochester as their head surfaced from between some membranes. "Make sure you can see both kitties before you close anyone's plating. Can you give me a boost out?"

Polycephaly brought in their stems once more for Rochester to help lever themself out.

"Thank you," said Rochester. "Right, hosepipe!"

That was clearly a word known to the cats - the one inside Polycephaly's frame scrambled out, and went to join the other cat (that was currently licking its hoop).

"Get your sippy," Rochester said as they held out the sprinkler-head on the hose for the cats to 'mlem' at the falling droplets. After the cats had quenched their thirst, Rochester brought the hose over to Polycephaly.

Polycephaly braced themself for the inevitable blast of cold and wet all over their innards (the circuit-blocker blocked only pain, after all)... and was startled by the warm shower that came instead. "Oh... that's not fucking bad," said Polycephaly. "I was expecting you to turn it on cold blast."

"Oh, I always wash with warm water," said Rochester. "It decreases the chances of metal parts contracting and pulling out of shape."

Oh, it felt so nice... Polycephaly properly relaxed, their servos un-tensing, and they felt their innards run clean as the silt and grit sluiced downward and fell away to the floor. They emitted a soft static sigh and lost themself in the soothing sensations for a little while... Polycephaly sighed again, then remembered their surroundings and flinched slightly at their own display of vulnerability.

"Don't hold back," said Rochester. "I see a lot of techfolk like this and it's my favourite part of a cleaning job. That part where you properly relax into it and stop feeling self-conscious, and allow yourself to just be. That's when you see a person as they really are."

Polycephaly considered Rochester's words as they allowed themself to relax a little more into the cleaning bench.

"You're used to having to put on a brave front all the time, aren't you?" Rochester said quietly (briefly pausing the flow of water so their voice wouldn't be drowned out.)

"...That's right." Polycephaly conceded. "I appreciate what you're doing for me." The big TV allowed themself to really relax and let Rochester work. The warmth was pleasant, and the constant flow of water made them feel clean and was surprisingly refreshing.

Eventually, Rochester had rinsed off all the marine muck. "Time to get you soaped up and de-greased, and then dried," said Rochester.

"Anything you want," said Polycephaly, a little drowsy from the warm wash.

Rochester applied de-greaser to a microfibre cloth and began rubbing it into Polycephaly's innards, using their fingers to poke the cloth into all the gaps. "Look how revolting," Rochester said, showing Polycephaly how stained the cloth had become. "You really needed this. Let me know if you feel water pooling anywhere; I'll get it all out."

Polycephaly lay back and dozed. It did feel good to have all this attention on them, and they could feel Rochester's work doing them good, as the airflow around their parts cleared and they felt lighter from all the detritus coming off them. Polycephaly realised that the cats had joined them, one curling into each space between Polycephaly's arm and body. Their warm weight and fuzziness was so cute!

"Aww, they can sense you're relaxed," commented Rochester.

Polycephaly realised they'd drifted into semi power-save mode, and Rochester had almost finished cleaning out their main innards. They really had needed this... Polycephaly enjoyed the feeling of Rochester cleaning the insides of their plating, wiping down each of the tyvek membranes, and unzipping each one to clean inside them too.

"Thank you," said Polycephaly once Rochester withdrew from them and began putting away the de-greaser and throwing the microfibre cloths into a laundry bin. Polycephaly made to push the bridge away and sit up.

"Ohh, you think we're done?" asked Rochester.

"I'm clean now," pointed out Polycephaly. They lay back down anyway.

"Sort of," said Rochester. "But I'm a professional, and I don't settle for less than the best. Now comes the detailing."

"Why? No-one's going to see it," replied Polycephaly.

"I'm going to see it," said Rochester. "And as for why... you deserve it, don't you?"

"You know what? I absolutely fucking do."

"You do so much for the Alliance," said Rochester. "As I said, I've seen many broadcasts with you in them. And that's just what someone happened to record! I'm sure there's more. Now, let's make those aluminium parts shiny again." Rochester began scrubbing with a wire brush on the aluminium surfaces to buff out the stains.

"Are you getting tired?" asked Polycephaly. "You've been at this for a couple of hours at least."

"I would be if not for the exoskeleton," said Rochester. "Helps these bones. Plus I did have a quick snack break when you were asleep. Ohh, that silver colour's so nice-looking against the black."

"What's that?" asked Polycephaly as Rochester brought out a tube of something.

"Toothpaste," said Rochester. "Actually a very good cleaning aid. Made to remove organic matter, and gently abrasive. Same for toothbrushes. When I've worn out a toothbrush, I demote it to household cleaning. Don't worry, though - I only use new toothbrushes for cleaning techfolk. I wouldn't use one that's been in my mouth."

Polycephaly let out a static buzz that was almost a purr, as they felt Rochester clean out parts of them they didn't know they had. Eventually, Polycephaly felt they couldn't possibly get any cleaner. They probably hadn't been this clean inside when they were first activated. "Am I finally done?" they asked.

"Nope," said Rochester.

"What could possibly be left?"

"Re-touching these labels." Rochester indicated the bevelled lettering on some of Polycephaly's components. The human got out some paint markers and began re-applying the pigment.

"Now you're just showing off," said Polycephaly.

"Oh, no doubt," Rochester said amiably. They moved on to peeling off the putty they'd applied earlier to prevent water seeping into some delicate components. "In I go," they said as they climbed into Polycephaly again to re-do their back aperture.

"Thank you, Rochester," said Polycephaly as they gave the human a hand out. "Are you finally finished?"

"With your insides, yes," said Rochester. "Help me close you back up, then I can give you the hot wax I promised earlier."

Oh, that was an exciting prospect. Polycephaly hadn't experienced that before. They'd thought the human was just exaggerating for comic effect before. But now, after experiencing Rochester's gentle thoroughness, they were thoroughly looking forward to what was coming next. "Oh!" exclaimed Polycephaly. Then more quietly, "Ohh..."

Rochester spread the wax in circular motions, the pressure just right... Polycephaly leaned and flexed slightly into the touch, enjoying the spreading warmth, and the further pressure as Rochester buffed it off.

The human used their exoskeleton arms in tandem with their own ones, working into a rhythm of applying and working the wax and cleaning it off. "Oh, your trim is looking so good," said Rochester. Their work with the hot wax was bringing out the colour of Polycephaly's plating - its deep black and its purple trim and gold circuitry. "It's brightening the purple and deepening the black. ...That's as far as I can reach from here. " Rochester got back onto the bridge so they could reach Polycephaly's midline again, polishing around their charging port and their inert core chamber (built as a prototype for the Titan's own.)

Rochester got down from the bridge and rolled it so it was no longer spanning Polycephaly. "Roll over so I can do your back too," said Rochester. "Mind the cats."

Polycephaly obeyed, being careful not to disturb Bitey and Shouty - but the two cats left anyway.

"It's nothing you did," said Rochester. "It's just how cats are." The human pushed the bridge back into place and began waxing around Polycephaly's back-aperture.

Polycephaly hadn't felt this relaxed in weeks. Back-rubs were probably their biggest weakness, and it was hard for Polycephaly to reach inside their own aperture and clean it. Had Rochester guessed that? ...Polycephaly was too dazed to care either way. Their speakers practically purred, and they realised they didn't care if Rochester heard.

Rochester finally finished the hot wax treatment, and Polycephaly heard them dismount from the bridge and roll it away. "I'll do your head now," said Rochester as they gathered the cleaning tools they'd need.

Polycephaly remained lying on their front - it was comfy and they were in no hurry to move - but rotated their head on its bracket so it was facing directly forwards instead of upwards, the better for Rochester to clean the screen.

"That's a neat trick," Rochester commented when they returned and saw Polycephaly's bizarre head positioning. They squirted some cleaner onto a soft cloth and began cleaning Polycephaly's screen. The human worked hard as ever but seemed to be flagging a little...

It didn't go un-noticed by Polycephaly. "You doing alright?" they asked, keeping their voice quiet so as not to overwhelm Rochester at close range.

"I am getting a little tired," admitted Rochester. "We're almost done, though."

"I've got you," said Polycephaly. They reached out with their hands and their stems to form a 'cradle' for Rochester to lean back into. They did it without offering first, out of fear that the human might be too proud to accept if asked. '...Oh, am I projecting?' thought Polycephaly.

"Oh, you are sweet," said Rochester happily, working their cleaning cloth into the border where glass met casing.

"...That's such a good touch," said Polycephaly with a purr in their voice. "There's something about the way you absorb my static that really hits the spot."

Last of all, Rochester polished the chrome of Polycephaly's head-bracket. "That's you done, finally," said Rochester. "Let me out, would you? I need to take my exoskeleton off. It does help me, but working with it this long makes me a bit ache-y."

"There you go," said Polycephaly softly, releasing the human from their 'nest'. They admired the two cats, snoozing nearby, while Rochester removed their exoskeleton and peeled off their overalls. The human looked older and tireder without them.

"Thank you, Rochester. You've done me a lot of good," said Polycephaly. "...I didn't realise how much I needed that. ...It was smart of you to book me in for the full eight hours. I think I need a nap."

"Got you covered," said Rochester, correctly guessing what Polycephaly would need and bringing over the end of a charging cable. Luckily, Polycephaly used the same type of connector as large Cam and Soundkind units. Many things about Polycephaly were unique, but the TV engineers had had the foresight to realise the need for universal charging compatibility.

Polycephaly rolled over onto their back again, re-setting their head as they did so, and plugged the cable into the charging port on the sternum of their plating. It would have been nicer to charge in their own quarters, but doubtless if they went back to TV Base someone would find another task for them. As long as they stayed here, Rochester could fob off any enquiries by saying 'Nope, repairs still needed.'

On a whim, Polycephaly offered Rochester a hand. The human hesitated, unsure if Polycephaly was really offering what Rochester thought they were... They accepted, mostly to see what Polycephaly would do.

Polycephaly lifted Rochester onto their front, letting them lie down. "I'm not going anywhere for a bit. And neither are you, because everyone knows you're working on me. Join me in having a rest?"

"Way ahead of you," Rochester said dreamily, spreading out and enjoying the warmth of Polycephaly's plating. The two cats noticed it was evidently Cuddle Times, and jumped up to nestle around their human.

It would be nice to do nothing for a couple of hours.