L'appel du vide et vidéo

You see a rare sight: Polycephaly moving down the corridors of TV Base. The Base is mostly built for normal-sized units, and not all its spaces can accommodate Polycephaly, forcing the large unit to have to teleport a lot of the time rather than just walk.

"Polycephaly!" you call out.

Polycephaly snap-rotates their head 180 degrees to face you, then turns the rest of their body to follow. (The movement is quite elegant.) "Hello, bone-bag," they say.

"Hello, chrome-crotch." You need to make this quick - Polycephaly undoubtedly has shit to do. "When you can, I'd like ten minutes of your time, if I may. It's not urgent, and not work-related."

"I can manage that right now," says Polycephaly, walking over to you. "Up you come, meat-features," they say, crouching and holding out their arms to pick you up (which you gladly accept). Polycephaly teleports you both into a meeting room - to the bewildered surprise of the bunch of TVs currently using it.

"Wankspanners," says Polycephaly. "Not this room, then." Polycephaly teleports again into another room, thankfully empty this time.

Polycephaly sits down on the floor, still holding you. They know from past experience that you enjoy being held, picked up and carried. They hold you close and cradle you, much to your delight. You snuggle comfortably, prompting an amused snort of static from Polycephaly.

"You know you can just message me any time?" says Polycephaly. As a member of the TV Titan's engineering team, you do have the ability to push messages to Polycephaly's communicator. Polycephaly's shell was designed and constructed as a trial run for building the Titan's, and Polycephaly still goes to the Titan's engineering team for maintenance.

"I do know," you say, "But it felt like a professional overstep to take advantage of the engineering team's comm link for social purposes. I'd much rather err on the side of being over-cautious than… be presumptuous and make you uncomfortable."

"…You know, I was about to mock you for that - as if you could make me uncomfortable - but I do appreciate it," says Polycephaly. They give you a brief head-ruffle. "I'm giving you permission to message me - let's add each other." The two of you dig out your communicators, and dock them to exchange virtual 'business cards'.

"Grand," you say, putting away your communicator then smoothing your ruffled hair back into shape. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"…What?" says Polycephaly. "Are you high? You asked to talk to me. What do you want?"

You laugh. "That's just it," you say. "Everyone is always making demands of you and your time. You're the faction's most elite agent; you get tasked with the hardest missions. You don't get much downtime, as far as I can see. I like you, Polycephaly. You've been a good friend to me when I needed one. So… what is it you need?"

Polycephaly is clearly processing what you've just said.

"You don't need to come up with an answer right now," you say. "You've got me in your communicator now, so… anything you think of. I'd like to do something nice for you as a friend."

"That's… actually very nice of you," says Polycephaly. "Thank you." They hug you to them, and you lean into them happily. "Tell you what - would you scratch my back between my stems?"

"Sure. Move somewhere I can reach."

Polycephaly sets you down on the floor, then sits with their back to one of the meeting room tables. If you stand on it, you'll be able to reach. You start climbing up. "Please avoid touching my stems if you can," says Polycephaly. "Just around where they emerge, if you would."

"That's something you have in common with the Titan," you point out. "The Titan dislikes having its sub-screens touched." You notice the six-chambered aperture on Polycephaly's back. (Interesting - six outlets but four stems total. Room for a six-stem upgrade?)

"Go ahead, dig right in there," Polycephaly says. "Don't be afraid. I doubt you could hurt me if you tried."

You push your fist into one of the empty chambers and scruffle inside, pulling out any dust and fluff you find. Polycephaly immediately starts buzzing their speakers, as if purring. (You guess this feels nice like digging around inside your ear.) Encouraged by Polycephaly's reaction, you do the same with your other fist and the other empty chamber.

Polycephaly continues to buzz happily. "Oh, that's nice… It's hard to reach there myself. And something about the way your meat-skin absorbs electricity… it just hits the spot." You notice Polycephaly's back-stems flexing in place slightly.

You push both fists simultaneously into the two stemless chambers, then push and pull your arms in different directions as if to alternately stretch and compress the aperture. Polycephaly lets out a static buzz as if sighing luxuriously, in appreciation of how this is making their surrounding exo-plating flex. You give the whole aperture a rub with your palm, stroking up and down between the two sets of stems. Finally, you move onto scratching the groove between the aperture and the surrounding plating, moving your hands where Polycephaly directs you. (You make a mental note to ask Polycephaly later if they'd like a proper going-over with a wire brush.)

"Thank you, Phaeton. That's done me some good." Polycephaly protracts their sub-screens, like a yawning human stretching out their arms. Their stems reach their maximum length and tremble briefly, then retract again, the sub-screens slotting into notches on the plating surrounding Polycephaly's back aperture. You get down from the table, and Polycephaly intercepts you - "That deserves a hug," - to bring you in and hold you again (making you squeak happily). "What I need next," Polycephaly says, "is some peace and quiet."

"And that's my cue to leave you be," you say. "Thanks for letting me hang with you for a bit."

"Actually…" says Polycephaly, "I wondered if you might join me. I'd like to sit and do nothing and say nothing for a bit, and collect my thoughts… and sometimes it's nice to do that in the company of a friend."

"You know? I actually would like that."

"I'll need to make a brief visit to my quarters first," replies Polycephaly. "Hold still."

Polycephaly teleports you both, and you spawn in their quarters. Polycephaly sets you down on the floor, then gets up and turns the light on. It doesn't help you see much - TV vision doesn't wholly overlap with human vision, and the lighting in here is only barely within your range. You can see enough to not collide with any furniture, so it'll do.

You cast your gaze about, as Polycephaly does whatever they came here to do. There's a huge array of books, on shelves and stacked in piles, and you notice a few magnifying lenses lying around, which Polycephaly must use to read the tiny text in the human-made volumes. (You infer that TVs don't share the Cameras' ability to zoom their vision.) You use the torch on your communicator to have a browse at some of the spines. There's a mix of scientific texts and fiction, mixed together in no apparent sequence, in what looks to be a disorganised but thoroughly well-balanced library.

There are plenty of knives mounted on the wall, and a few jabbed into it. Polycephaly must like to collect these. (You feel a strange little wave of affection over it - Polycephaly shares that curious human impulse to collect things.) One wall has a plaque, on which is mounted a pair of crossed knives that appear to be the wrist-blades from a normal TV-unit. These must be Polycephaly's old blades from before they were upgraded to their current form. Polycephaly notices you looking at them. "I don't particularly miss my pre-upgrade life," they explain. "I've moved on. But I do miss being able to spar. The size difference makes it no fun."

On another wall is a series of corkboards covered in pinned printouts and handwritten notes and sketched maps. (Disappointingly, there isn't actually any red string linking anything together.) "Information on skibidi activity using stolen teleport tech," Polycephaly explains. "I'm chasing them all down and taking it back." It's a thorn in the side of the whole TV faction, of course, but Polycephaly seems to take the skibidis' theft extra-personally.

You notice a side-table with a chessboard on it, with a game in progress. (A pair of kitchen tongs lies nearby, which Polycephaly must use to make it easier to pick up the pieces.) Polycephaly notices you looking at it, and explains: "I'm playing a game remotely with one of the Speakers. We can only play a move once we've killed a skibidi. I moved last; now we have to wait for them to make a kill and message me their move."

You'd like to stay a bit longer and investigate Polycephaly's quarters some more (and ask if you can borrow some of the books), but they're ready to depart. Polycephaly holds their arms out to pick you up, and you let them. Polycephaly lifts you and holds you close, and you're both swept up in the familiar whirlwind of black fog that signifies a teleport.

Your world is swirling blackness… and then… still swirling blackness. Where are you?

Polycephaly sits down, still holding you. They settle down comfortably, extending their lower two sub-screens to lean on like a tripod. You realise: this is the void-space where teleports go through. It appears you're hanging out here as a destination in itself instead of as a means to an end. It's supposed to be a bad idea to linger inside the void, but you know Polycephaly can hold their own and they won't abandon you.

You remember how you agreed with Polycephaly's words from earlier, about how it's nice sometimes to do nothing except just sit and think. And this certainly is a good quiet place for that. You let yourself relax comfortably in Polycephaly's arms, and let your mind do a 'brain dump' - you unchain it to think any dumbass thoughts it wants in any order, bouncing from topic to topic and replayed quale to quale. When you come through the other side of that, you let yourself concentrate on properly emptying your mind and only observing what's around you.

The void isn't completely silent or uniformly black, you've come to realise. There's a background hum to it a bit like distant wind and rain. It's not quite a background noise, you realise further - not a uniform drone, but a series of pulses coming from specific directions. Is this to do with the 'void-pathways' that TVs talk about? You see tiny flashes in the black fog too, like dust motes caught in a sunbeam.

There's a sudden cracking sound, making you jump, followed by a thin metallic sound like a groan or a screech, a bit like an aeroplane flying overhead but somehow sickly. The sound starts and stops suddenly, as if it came through a hole in the sky and disappeared through another one. Polycephaly pets your head. "Nothing to worry about," they say. "Just a bit of void-noise." You nuzzle your head into Polycephaly's hand, letting their touch soothe your jangled nerves.

You end up dozing lightly, surrounded by the soft blackness and by Polycephaly's warmth. The void is eerie, but it's comforting being with such a strong and dependable friend in a place where nobody can get at you.

After a while, Polycephaly asks softly, "Aren't the void-pathways pretty?"

You look. "…I don't think I can see them."

"The… silvery lines? They're everywhere."

"I really can't see them. It's just black clouds. Occasional speckly bits. …Are you having a crap of me?"

"No?" says Polycephaly. "You mean you don't see anything here?"

"Indeed not. I thought that was why we came here - to be somewhere all nice and dark with nothing distracting."

"Wow. I thought I was bringing you somewhere nice! I come here to watch everything go by - all the pathways shining and slithering and re-connecting, and all the nodes moving up and down them. I thought you could see it all too!"

You both laugh at the misunderstanding of each other's umwelten.

"Are you… not frightened?" asks Polycephaly. "If you can't see the pathways, this place must look like a featureless plain. You'd never find your way out." Polycephaly gives you a gentle squeeze, as though they think you need re-assuring.

"I absolutely would be frightened, if I was here by myself," you say, "But I'm with you, so I feel fine."

"That's… very trusting of you."

"You've been a nice friend to me - of course I trust you," you say. "… But if you want a selfish reason for me to trust you: I know you're close friends with the Imperator and the Titan. You wouldn't harm the Imperator's auxiliary or the Titan's engineer, would you?"

"That's true." Polycephaly gives you a gentle head-rub, stroking the top of your head with a thumb and using their fingers to scritch the back of your neck. (You make an appreciative squeak.) "How are you enjoying working as a Titan engineer?"

"Oh, it is just wonderful. It's everything I ever hoped for and more… Strictly speaking, I don't do any actual engineering. I'm a mechanic, or a maintenance technician, or something. It's actually quite rare - well, for humans, I mean - for the engineers of a system to also work on maintaining it. But I suppose when you've designed and overseen the construction of something as magnificent as a Titan, you don't really want to let anyone else work on it. I'm really grateful that I get to."

"They built me too, you know," says Polycephaly. "They're a good team."

"That they are." You lie back and relax against Polycephaly, looking out for the 'dust motes'. You wonder if there's any correlation between them and the void-pathways.

"What are you thinking about?" asks Polycephaly after a while.

"…What if I left a random item here in the void? Would it stay here forever, or would it pop out somewhere on the void-pathways? …OH! That's actually reminded me of something. There was once a cargo ship that lost a container full of toy ducks. All these little toy ducks ended up washing up on beaches all over the world, and it provided surprisingly useful data on ocean currents. I just had a silly thought of dropping a load of rubber duckies in here and seeing where they randomly teleport."

"…Imagine a skibidi commander giving a rousing speech to their troops and then a rubber duck mysteriously falls on their head out of nowhere," suggests Polycephaly. You both laugh at the idea.

"And then you'd be able to follow the void-pathway and get the drop on them," you suggest. "Then the skibidis would come to see the sudden arrival of rubber duckies as a terrifying omen." You both laugh some more.

You notice a few 'dust motes' buzzing nearby. "Someone approaches," says Polycephaly. "Better not be some bastard trying to port into my quarters."

In a flurry of black mist, the Imperator materialises, immediately followed by their two guards. The Imperator notices you're here, and makes a quick adjustment to the dials on their head, modulating their voice to a frequency you can perceive. "There you are," says the Imperator. "Polycephaly, we noticed that you and Phaeton had both dropped off the comms network. I wanted to check that you were together - if you hadn't been, that would have meant Phaeton was missing." The Imperator addresses you: "I'm glad to see you're accounted for."

"Imperator, you came to check on me?" you reply. "I'm touched."

"It would be remiss of me as an Imperator not to check on my auxiliaries. And you've got a lot of people who care about you, you know. I know the Titan and the rest of the maintenance crew would miss you if something happened to you, and I'm sure they'd miss you over at Antlia-Four Base. And Fifty-Twenty-Two - oh, they'd be devastated!" The Imperator addresses Polycephaly once more: "And how is my best agent?"

"I'm just fine, Imperator. Phaeton and I are enjoying some peace and quiet."

"Then I will leave you to it. Before I go… Polycephaly, I don't suppose you've got a hug for your Imperator?"

Polycephaly sets you down in their lap. "Big scoop," they say, reaching out to gather up the Imperator and their two guards. Polycephaly moves the four of you into their lap and embraces all of you as a group. (You get the impression that the guards wouldn't normally tolerate being moved out of formation like this, but the chances of an ambush here are pretty much nil.) You trill with delight at this treatment, and then once again as the Imperator hugs you.

"That's to say I like you and I like working with you, Phaeton," says the Imperator. They give you a parting squeeze, then release you. The Imperator wriggles to face Polycephaly and leans against them in the best hug they can manage given their size difference. "Polycephaly, that's to say I like you and I like working with you."

"Same to you, Imperator," says Polycephaly. They set down everyone, before picking just you back up.

"Ah'll sithee, Imperator," you say. "Fifty-Three, Sixty-Six," you nod to the guards.

"Polycephaly, Phaeton. Enjoy your evening." The Imperator and their guards leave in a flurry of black mist, appearing to melt and dissolve into the surrounding void. You and Polycephaly throw salutes as they depart.

You sigh happily, relaxing the throaty sound into a hum, and wriggle contentedly into Polycephaly as they cradle you in their arms. Your eyes suddenly open as something occurs to you: "…Imagine the Imperator returning to their office and being like 'why is it rubber ducks everywhere?'" You laugh at the stupid idea, setting Polycephaly off.

"You comfy still?" asks Polycephaly once you've both calmed down.

"Very," you say. "You give nice hugs." (You think you hear Polycephaly softly buzzing their speakers in appreciation.)

You continue relaxing in Polycephaly's arms, enjoying the soft darkness and quietness - CRACK! Another burst of distant 'void-noise'. Well, mostly quietness. Polycephaly strokes you in response to feeling you twitch in surprise.

Some time goes by in pleasant silence. This enforced downtime is doing you some good, you think.

"Your heartbeat suddenly increased. What are you thinking about now?" asks Polycephaly.

"…Broccoli," you admit.

"What is that?"

"It's a plant humans can eat. I like it. Wish I had some right now. …Maybe if we're lucky, some will teleport into existence next to us, from the same place as all the rubber ducks." You both laugh slightly.

"Well, if I had any, I'd give it to you."

"What are you thinking about?" you ask. Only fair. Polycephaly asked you twice - now it's their turn.

"I'm just observing all the void-pathways and how they twist and intersect," replies Polycephaly. "I can see who's using them to move around the Base."

"That kind of gives me some idea of why this place appeals to you," you reply. "Sometimes it's nice to be alone, but still know that there are people nearby. Sitting in your own bubble, while watching other people move around in theirs. …It's something I used to do, back when there were more humans. Sit in a cafe or something and just watch the world go by."

"Yes… I think you get it," replies Polycephaly. "Are you… not bored, though? You can't see any of what I see."

"Company's good," you say, petting Polycephaly's hand. "And, like I said, I honestly thought at first that we came here because it was 'boring'. It's all good."

You flip over in Polycephaly's arms and re-settle, like a cat does on someone's lap. You bask in Polycephaly's warmth as they continue watching the pathways, occasionally commenting on who they think is moving around the base and where, and who's departing and arriving.

After a while, Polycephaly notices that you're looking up at them more than you're looking at your surroundings. "Okay, what are you thinking about now?" Polycephaly asks.

"I was trying to imagine what you'd look like in a pinstripe suit. And… you wouldn't look BAD, but I think your current plain fabric suits you better."

"…Can't argue with that."

"I know you TVs typically wear purple ties, but I think you could pull off having a black tie, and wearing a purple lapel pin for your splash of colour. Though I don't know where you'd find a nice pin big enough for you."

"I like my purple tie."

"So do I. …Maybe you'd look good in a black tie with a purple pattern. I'm thinking an art deco shell pattern, or ogee lozenges. Or- black, gold and purple go together nicely. Maybe a black tie with a gold pattern, plus a purple accent somewhere else - a pin, or a pocket square. Actually, I shouldn't give fashion advice unsolicited. Impolite of me."

"Don't worry about it. …What would you look like in a purple tie, I wonder?" Polycephaly sets you down in their lap, then begins undoing their tie.

"Feckin' daft, that's what. Yours is longer than I am."

Polycephaly wraps their tie around you like a scarf. "It's really not your colour." Both of you laugh, and Polycephaly begins replacing their tie, craning in one of their sub-screens to get a better look at what they're doing.

"I hope this isn't an unwanted thing to ask…" you begin, "But I heard about how you got injured in your last big mission. If you wanted to talk about it… I'm ready and willing to listen. You did that for me when I needed it, and I really appreciate it."

"I don't need to talk about it. I got hit, it hurt, but I got patched up. That's really it; nothing more to tell. But thank you. And… I already had the Titan to talk to. That helped a lot."

"It makes sense that you'd rather talk to another TV about it anyway. But consider it an open offer: if you need a friend to listen to you, I will gladly be that friend."

Polycephaly finishes adjusting their tie. "Thank you, Phaeton." They pick you up again and cuddle you to their torso. "Sincerely, my friend. Thank you."

You nestle into Polycephaly and press yourself into them to show your appreciation of their words, returning their cuddle as best you can.

"I want to talk a walk down the void-pathways and see if I can find anything interesting," says Polycephaly. "Would you like to come with?"

"Absolutely!" you say. You've never done this before. You've been through the void many times, while teleported by TVs, but never had a chance to explore it on foot. You hadn't realised that was a thing you could even do. "I could do with stretching my legs anyway."

You and Polycephaly get up, and you take the opportunity to twist and stretch a bit to prep your body for activity.

"One moment," says Polycephaly. "I doubt we'll get separated, because we've both got more sense than that, but just in case:" Polycephaly's screen turns void-black, and black fog pours out of it, making a beeline for your face. "This'll allow me to find you again."

Your vision turns completely stark black for a moment, then returns to almost-normal. A pulsating black vignette frames your vision, and little black dots dance at the edges like the ones you hallucinate when you're sleep-deprived enough. "Argh," you say. "Feels as though my eyeballs have been replaced by peeled grapes rolled in sand." You have no teleport-circuit in which to keep the fog, so it's coiled around the closest thing it can find, which appears to be your brain stem. "Argh," you say again, "It's in my sinuses." You can breathe through it just fine, but it's unmistakably there.

"You okay?" asks Polycephaly.

You take stock of your sensations. "It's unpleasant," you concede, "But I'll cope. Rather this than getting lost in the void and not being able to find you."

Polycephaly nods, then holds out a hand for you to hold. Unfortunately the height difference means it's not comfortable for either of you - you have to reach your highest just to cup your fingers to the tips of Polycephaly's. "Got a better idea," says Polycephaly, taking their hand back to undo their tie. They hold onto the large end and give you the narrow end to hold. That is better.

The two of you walk in companionable silence. As you do so, your footsteps kick up swirling patterns of grey mist. It dances in brief whorls before dissolving back into the void. You can't see that the 'floor' of the void is anything but perfectly smooth, but it feels as though you're walking along an ashy and dusty road.

You can't see anything remarkable, but Polycephaly is clearly looking out intently for something. You follow their gaze, but you don't see what they see. Polycephaly unfurls all their sub-screens and casts them in different directions, giving them a 360-degree field of view. (The way the screens turn this way and that kind of reminds you of a flock of parading flamingos, as the birds march together and quickly turn their heads in different directions.)

Something rushes past.

"[ʒeri: tɒn stʌʔ]!" says Polycephaly, too angry to remember to reverse their speech for your benefit. They let go of their end of the tie and grab at something, too fast for you to follow. …It's a skibidi! Shit! Polycephaly grabs it by the lid and turns themself away from you - so they can blast their bright white screen power and stun the skibidi without the light affecting you too. Polycephaly's main screen goes from bright white to pure dark black, as it drains and absorbs all the stolen teleport fog that the skibidi was using. Polycephaly flings away the panicking toilet with disgust, and it unwillingly hurtles away along the void-pathways back to whence it came.

"Considering the normal TV policy when it comes to skibidis," you comment, "It was remarkably kind of you to let it live."

"Fucker's on borrowed time," says Polycephaly. "I only left it alive so I could trace its path. Now, hold onto me."

You step forward and wrap your arms around Polycephaly's leg. (You're still carrying Polycephaly's tie, so you quickly throw it on like a scarf.) If they're going to port somewhere, you're going with them. Polycephaly cranes their sub-screens in all directions again, and raises their hands as if plucking at invisible harp strings. They must be pinning down the route the skibidi took.

"I've found them," says Polycephaly. Your world was already swirling blackness, but now it becomes envelopingly so, as if a vortex of void-matter swirls upwards to completely enclose both of you.

You re-appear outside the void, in an unknown location. Was this where the skibidi came from?

"We've found an outpost," explains Polycephaly. (You appreciate the 'we' - you didn't even do anything.) "Don't worry, I've set us down well outside the perimeter." Polycephaly must be exquisitely adept at reading the void leylines. "Let me take that off you - we don't need it right now." Their screen turns black again as they reclaim the teleport-fog they lent you. You're glad to get it out of your head - the world is almost painfully clear now in comparison. "Oh, it's all warm," comments Polycephaly.

You shake your head and snort in appreciation of your senses returning to normal.

"Let me take that back too," Polycephaly says, indicating their tie. You hand it back to them, and they replace it.

"What happens now?" you ask. You've no doubt that Polycephaly probably could steamroll a skibidi outpost alone, but what if they can't and become incapacitated? You'd be up skibidi creek without a paddle.

"We do things properly, of course." Polycephaly pulls out their communicator. "Double-Zero-Ten to Base, requesting extraction squad on standby for impromptu mission. Category two outpost discovered."

You hear the response from whoever is on the other end. "…You're supposed to say 'over' after each message. Over."

"Don't be a prick."

"…Location locked in. State number of subordinates, over."

"Just the one. It's Phaeton."

"Ey up," you add. (Should you say 'over'?)

"Acknowledged. Squad in T-15, end transmission," says the unit on the other end. The call ends.

"We need to sit tight for 15 minutes," explains Polycephaly. "Then if shit hits the fan we'll have someone to bail us out."

"Since when am I your subordinate?" you ask Polycephaly.

"…It's just mission terminology. As the unit who called in the mission, I'm its commander and everyone else is my subordinate. Don't worry about it - I'm not going to make you iron my socks or anything." Polycephaly picks you up, and then sits down on a nearby shipping container. "Do you know how to call in an extraction squad?" they ask.

"I don't."

Polycephaly sets you down next to them on the shipping container, and pulls out their communicator. You do the same with yours. You see a new status box on the screen, showing the current mission updates from TV Base. Taking prominence is the countdown to when an extraction squad can be ready. "They're normally faster than that," explains Polycephaly, "But this is an unplanned mission to take out a relatively small outpost, and neither of us is in peril, so it'll be on low priority. Once the squad is ready and the mission is in progress, if you need to call in an extraction, press these two buttons." Polycephaly indicates which ones. "Please don't do it unless you need to. You would not believe how fucking many forms you will have to fill in if you call them in unnecessarily."

"Understood," you say.

The two of you pass the time watching out for skibidi activity that will aid Polycephaly in taking out the outpost. You familiarise yourself with the mission status app, showing the information that Polycephaly gave the Base.

"This is your first mission, isn't it?" asks Polycephaly.

"It is," you say. Well, it's your first one done properly. You'd previously gone on one that went disastrously, and there had been no extraction squad to bail you out. Luckily your membership of the TV Titan's engineering team meant that you had a direct line to the lead engineer, who could send the Titan to rescue you. "Well, does it count as going on a mission if I'm not helping with anything? You're the one who's going to be doing all the work."

"Let's fix that," says Polycephaly. "As your mission commander, I am assigning you a task: give me a hug to bolster morale." Polycephaly picks you back up and cuddles you to them.

You snuggle into Polycephaly. "I'd say good luck, commander," you say, "But we both know that luck has nothing to do with it. You're the faction's most elite field agent for a reason."

Polycephaly rustles their stems with approval at your words, before setting you back down.

"What should I do once we start?" you ask. "I'm guessing hide in this container? I'd love to watch you in action but I'm squishy and have no combat training. I'd be a liability." You'd held your own against the skibidis when you lived as a feral human before joining the Alliance, but the skibidis have gradually become more competent and powerful since those days. You doubt you could hold your own against the skibidis as they are now.

"Just so," says Polycephaly. "Leave it to me."

You notice two things - one, the countdown on your communicator has elapsed, indicating that an extraction squad is primed and ready to haul you out of here if the turd hits the twirly thing. Two: "Skibidi," you say, pointing.

"Hey, Phaeton," says Polycephaly, sliding their bum off the shipping container, "Why did the breezeblock cross the road?"

"I don't know, Polycephaly. Why did the breezeblock cross the road?"

"Because I saw a skibidi on the other side!" Polycephaly hoys the breezeblock that they'd picked up while talking. They get a direct hit on the skibidi, knocking it unconscious and smashing its cistern to boot.

"Well, I guess they know we're here now," you comment. You're not wrong: a few more skibidis arrive, skibidi-ing angrily, to see what befell their comrade. You slide off the shipping container so you can keep it between you and the skibidis if you need to.

"I'm taking back what was stolen from us," Polycephaly says with cold fury, stunning the skibidis with their bright white screens and then siphoning all their bootleg teleport-fog with their main screen. Polycephaly flushes all the toilets with brutal efficiency, then proceeds around a corner to infiltrate the outpost.

You dearly want to follow and watch, but you technically were told to stay put. You open the latches on the shipping container and get inside for safety. You remember your early conversation - "Wouldn't it be hilarious if it was full of rubber ducks?" you think. Sadly, it isn't. The universe doesn't share your humour. It's mostly full of cobwebs, you realise as you use your communicator as a torch. "'Ello spider," you say, spotting a cute specimen. "You're some sort of orb-weaver, I think."

A few spiders 'hello'-d at later, there's a knock on the shipping container door. "One outpost cooked and canned," says Polycephaly.

"That was quick," you say, opening the door and stepping out.

"You said it yourself: I'm the most elite agent for a reason."

"Victory hug?" you ask, holding up your arms.

"No fuckin' way," says Polycephaly, "You're covered in all spiderwebs."

You brush yourself free of old webbing, while Polycephaly helps by picking strands out of your hair. Once you're presentable again, Polycephaly picks you up and hugs you.

"What's next?" you ask. "Are we going to look for treasure?"

"…You mean search the outpost for useful items and intel? Yes, we can do that."

Polycephaly sets you down, and you both retrace Polycephaly's path of carnage.

"What does broccoli look like?" asks Polycephaly. "I'll let you know if I see any."

"Kinda like a tiny tree. Fat green stem that branches into bunches of little florets. …Oh, shit a brick." The sight of one of the freshly-killed skibidis has stopped you in your tracks. "…I don't fucking believe it." You know this toilet.

"What's wrong?"

"I knew this guy! Before he was a skibidi."

Polycephaly is frozen with doubt and indecision.

"And he was a complete fucking bell-end!" you say, flushing the toilet. Ha ha ha, take that, you bast!

Polycephaly picks up and throws the empty toilet so you can enjoy the sight of it shattering. The two of you fist-bump in celebration.

You and Polycephaly continue exploring the now-defunct outpost, photographing anything that looks useful and sending the images back to TV Base. Now this is something you're good at. Polycephaly shatters any machinery they find containing teleport-fog, absorbing the smoky black clouds that spill out.

You laugh suddenly. "We set out to enjoy some peace and quiet and ended up doing this."

"…I'm glad you came with me." Polycephaly sounds sincere.

You walk over to them. "Would you pick me up again?" you ask. Polycephaly does so, and you lean into them and hug them.

"Are you alright?" asks Polycephaly. They seem concerned that you're upset.

"I'm fine. But are you? You're the best agent, and… that's its own reward, but it's also its own price. The price of being the best agent is that you have to be the best agent. And you have to keep doing that." You snuggle into Polycephaly some more - they have to adjust their arms to compensate for your movement. "Do you get enough breaks, Polycephaly? Do you get enough rest?"

"What are you getting at, Phaeton? I can tell you're being nice, so I thank you for that. But I don't know what you're expecting of me."

"I'm sure I can trust you to know your own limits," you say. "I just… want you to know that I meant what I said earlier. If you need a friend, I've got your back, just like you did for me. Just like you do for me."

Polycephaly gathers you up in their arms. "…Thank you."

"You know, we're both unique to this faction. You're the only large unit, I'm the only human. We rare ones need to look out for each other."

Polycephaly lifts you up higher and gives you a friendly headpat with the underside of their 'scoop' at the bottom of their head-casing.

"Shall we finish checking here?" you suggest. "I'd like to hug somewhere nicer than in a skibidi outpost."

"Good plan." Polycephaly gives you a final little squeeze, then sets you down again.

The two of you finish checking the outpost. Polycephaly sits on a random desk and drafts a mission report on their tablet. While they do that, you find a few snacks that are still in date, and stuff them in your pockets.

"Ready to go?" asks Polycephaly once they've finished on their tablet.

"Yep."

Polycephaly picks you up, and initiates a teleport. You're back in the void, surrounded by scudding clouds and wispy fog like ink dropped into a water tank. Polycephaly casts their gaze about with all five screens. "There's the path home," they say, and you both fly along it like a knife through silk.

You both spawn in the main hub of TV Base. (A few nearby units wave in greeting.) "I'm heading back to my quarters. Where would you like to go?" asks Polycephaly. "Back to your home base?"

"I was planning to go the break room," you reply. "I'll stay there and wait for Twenty-Two." (You're referring to the TV-unit you nicknamed Cygnus, one of your closest friends and the unit who normally teleports you between the TV Base and your home base in Sector Antlia-Four.) "Plus," you continue, "I like waiting in the break room. It's like I said earlier - sometimes it's nice to sit by yourself but knowing there are still other people nearby."

"You know what?" says Polycephaly. "I think I'll join you."