Always test before you install

Engineer Palindrome's communicator flashed with a message: "Would like to speak to you discreetly when possible. Not work-related. Acceptance/availability?" To Palindrome's surprise, the message was from the diplomat Cygnus, someone Palindrome knew only vaguely.

Palindrome was known for two things besides being a Titan engineer: one was common knowledge, the other less so. Everyone knew that Palindrome was a former Titan candidate themself and therefore very proficient as a field agent. It wasn't unknown for people to challenge Palindrome to spar- thinking 'how good could an engineer be?' -and be surprised by how effortlessly Palindrome bested them. Was Cygnus after a rematch?

Palindrome's lesser known speciality was their expertise in sex mods and aphrodisiacs. (Perhaps Cygnus had come to know about Palindrome's status as a dealer in zarennen oil?) Before Palindrome's re-serialisation (which all the candidates had been subjected to after the Titangrinder), they'd enjoyed quite the reputation as the TV faction's hottest lover. Palindrome had deliberately dialled back their behaviour post re-serialisation - if they'd kept it up, it would have been obvious who they used to be, and the point of the re-serialisation program had been to ensure anonymity. Still, there was always a way those who desired Palindrome's services could find them, if they knew whom to ask and showed their trustworthiness. And Cygnus was definitely a trustworthy individual. Palindrome composed a reply, confirming they were happy to do this and suggesting a couple of dates that would work for them after their shift. Cygnus's reply came not long afterwards.

A couple of shifts later, Palindrome sat in their quarters, admiring how tidy they were. Palindrome still didn't know the reason for Cygnus's visit, and had cleared a nice big space in case Cygnus wanted to spar. All Palindrome's houseplants and anything breakable had been moved to higher shelves.

Cygnus buzzed for entry outside Palindrome's quarters. (Had Cygnus asked for permission to port right into Palindrome's quarters, Palindrome would likely have given it, but Cygnus hadn't asked. Evidently they were playing things safe and being very polite - such as was expected from a diplomat.) Palindrome let Cygnus in and the two TVs exchanged greetings, before retiring to Palindrome's living space and sitting down.

"Potato?" offered Palindrome, picking up a dish of small devices from a low table and passing the dish to Cygnus. 'Potato' or 'lemon' were common slang names for the things, named after the experiment that had been many young humans' first science project, involving sticking electrodes in some kind of botanical nodule to create a crude battery. These 'potatoes' were little canisters containing some compressed air to clear out the charging port and a high-voltage but low-capacity battery - deploying both simultaneously gave the pleasant illusion of having a little boost of power 'squirted' in. Opening the spent canister would reveal a disposable screen-wipe and a block of some combustible material to throw down the bio-fuel burner.

Cygnus gladly accepted, selecting a potato containing a block of compressed sawdust. Palindrome opted for one with psyllium husks. The two TVs tapped their canisters together, like human drinkers going 'cheers', before availing themselves of the contents. Cygnus opened their spent canister and retrieved the cuboid of sawdust, popping it in their biofuel burner and enjoying the sensation of it tumbling down the hopper. As the two TVs gave their screens a clean, Palindrome asked: "What brings you here?"

Cygnus finished with the screen-wipe and stuffed it back in the empty canister. "…I'm… potentially interested in getting a HotGrip mod installed." Cygnus wrung their hands in that habitual way they did when flustered. "Phaeton… told me that you might be able to point me in the right direction." Cygnus was referring to a sex mod that added a small motor and flexors that enabled the user to voluntarily clench the inner walls of their charging port, squeezing anyone's blades that happened to be inside, and ramping up the sensations for both parties. There were rumours that some users could even bring themselves to orgasm bladelessly by clenching and relaxing the walls of their charging port.

"Phaeton told you correctly," said Palindrome delightedly. "I have that very mod myself, and I'm always happy to help others with installing it. Have you studied the documentation on it on Zincfused? It's important that you're prepared for the side effects and for taking care of it."

"I have," said Cygnus. Zincfused was one of the many secret and undiscoverable parts of the faction intranet, accessible only to those who already knew where to find them. That particular zone housed documentation and source code for various sex mods and aphrodisiac programs.

"And do you know anyone else with this mod?" asked Palindrome.

"I don't," admitted Cygnus. "Does that matter?"

"I recommend at least seeing one in person before committing to it," replied Palindrome. "And you're wrong; you do know someone with one. Me." Palindrome brought their hands up to their coat buttons. "May I show you?"

"…I'd… yes. Yes, I'd like to see that," replied Cygnus. (Palindrome was privately amused by how the normally-eloquent and assured diplomat fumbled their words.)

Palindrome undid their garments and pulled back the cover on their charging port. "Can you tell that it's non-standard?"

"…I can't," said Cygnus. "It looks exactly the same as mine."

"When installed correctly, it's a very discreet mod," said Palindrome proudly. "Watch closely." As Cygnus leaned in further for a better look, Palindrome flexed their charging port, and its two slots narrowed tightly. Anyone's blades buried in them would be squeezed hard, increasing pleasure for both Palindrome and their partner. Palindrome demonstrated their ability to clench their charging port and 'flare' it back open to a normal state, before re-doing their garment buttons. "Is this the mod you want?" they asked.

"Yes," said Cygnus. "It looks exactly as I'd hoped."

"And do you know what price I charge for installation?"

"…I don't." Cygnus wondered what they might be getting themself into…

"Fuck me," said Palindrome. "My personal philosophy is that I will install this mod only in those who've experienced it personally. I think it's important to gain this knowledge before making the final decision on whether it's right for you. If you don't care to fuck me, I will still give you all the components for free - you'll have to find someone else to install it. Maybe there's another engineer whose gentle touch you'd prefer? Or you can install it in yourself, but that's not an endeavour to take lightly." Palindrome repositioned themself unhurriedly and casually. "You don't have to decide right away. Now you know my conditions, take all the time you need to think about it. I'll even give you the components to take away if you'd like."

Cygnus considered their options, transmitting an 'I'm thinking' data packet to Palindrome. The edges of Cygnus's screen danced with a little more static snow than usual, indicating that Cygnus was deep in thought. Fucking the engineer was tempting… By Phaeton's accounts, their colleague Palindrome was charming and a good cuddler. "Would you…" began Cygnus, "…like to fuck now?"

"I absolutely would," Palindrome said as they leaned closer to Cygnus. "I can tell Phaeton absolutely adores you. I'd love to fuck the TV that my colleague holds in such high esteem." Palindrome began undoing their coat buttons and buttoning back their sleeves to offer more clearance for their blades. Cygnus followed suit. "Are you more about the electric current or the pressure?" asked Palindrome.

"Oh, it's absolutely the current for me," replied Cygnus. "Heating the base of my blades until it's forced out and races all over my frame…"

"Of course. It wouldn't be the same experience without the current zipping through your plating," said Palindrome. "Me, though… I'm absolutely a pressure queen. I love feeling my plating strain against my struts, and I love it when my struts flex."

"Do you want me to push you into the wall?" asked Cygnus.

"A classic, for a good reason. But no, I like a little more pressure still… Can I position you how I want you?" (Cygnus nodded in the affirmative.) Palindrome lay down on their back, undoing their garment buttons in the process. They indicated their charging port cover. "Would you push it back for me?" Palindrome circled a finger around their charging port in anticipation.

Cygnus wanted to impress Palindrome, so they drew a blade and used the tip to push back the cover on Palindrome's charging port. To Cygnus's surprise, Palindrome didn't respond with the approving purr that Cygnus expected to hear.

Palindrome displayed an amused emoticon. "You've never done that before in your life, have you?" they asked.

"…I haven't," admitted Cygnus. "Was it… unpleasant?"

"Not as such," said Palindrome. "It's just painfully obviously not your style." Palindrome reached out to take Cygnus's hand and hold it, rubbing the back of it with a thumb. "When I fuck someone," explained Palindrome, "I want to experience the moment as it truly is. What you did was clearly a calculated move. I don't want to experience you running through a bank of pre-planned moves that you've picked up… I want to feel you, existing and responding in the moment. I want the authentic Cygnus experience. Will you give me that?" Palindrome disengaged from Cygnus's hands, then reached out with both arms to invite a cuddle.

"…I will," whispered Cygnus, pouring themself into Palindrome's arms and resting their charging port on Palindrome's own.

Palindrome emitted a quiet purr of static in response to the pressure of Cygnus lying on top of them - and couldn't help noticing the quiet click of Cygnus's blades flickering in their sockets in anticipation. "Would you…" began Palindrome, "Fuck me the way you like to be fucked? I always find such a thing very insightful."

"My… tastes are quite simple," Cygnus shyly admitted, sitting up from Palindrome and drawing their blades. "I like it pushed in fast and then pulled out slowly."

"Never be apologetic about that," said Palindrome, stroking Cygnus's front with the backs of their fingers, before pushing open Cygnus's coat. "These things are popular for good reason. And don't mistake having exotic tastes for being good at fucking. …Now, will you let me feel it?"

Cygnus slid their blades home in Palindrome's charging port, gently at first to be sure of getting the angle right, then pulling out slowly… Palindrome shivered at the sensation of Cygnus's blades raking over their connector points. Cygnus pushed their blades home fast, just they way they liked the experience for themself - pushing harder still upon realising Palindrome loved the extra pressure.

"Can I - reposition you a little?" asked Palindrome, their voice output becoming more monotone as their processor diverted attention away from speech to better concentrate on fucking.

"Of course," said Cygnus.

Palindrome gripped Cygnus's upper arms and hauled Cygnus forward - clearly they wanted Cygnus to press directly down into Palindrome's charging port with as much of their weight as possible. (Palindrome had said they enjoyed the pressure…) Cygnus obliged, enjoying the corresponding reaction-force pushing upwards into their own blades. Cygnus's own charging-port ached lustily - Cygnus needed a blade buried in it. But they'd have to wait just a little while longer. Palindrome adjusted their grip, running their hands down Cygnus's back and grabbing their ass. "Tuck your legs in and crouch," instructed Palindrome, their voice output buzzing with lust.

Cygnus obeyed, uncertain where Palindrome could be going with this. Palindrome moved their hands to grip the backs of Cygnus's thighs, hauling Cygnus further into them and making Cygnus exert ever-more pressure on Palindrome's charging port.

"Are you sure about this?" Cygnus briefly flashed a concerned emoticon. Was it wise for Palindrome to allow this much pressure on their charging port?

"Oh, you'll be amazed at how much this TV can take," Palindrome said, their vocal output both salacious and strained. Now, how much could Cygnus take? Palindrome activated their HotGrip motors - squeezing Cygnus's blades and drawing a surprised chirp of static from Cygnus.

Cygnus's singular surprised chirp became a series of intense chirps and buzzes, making their speaker-cones flutter, as Palindrome continued to squeeze Cygnus's blades, forcing them to press hard into Palindrome's connector points and making Palindrome themself writhe, almost losing their grip on Cygnus. Palindrome's plating creaked under Cygnus's weight forced into such a small zone. Palindrome huffed a delighted burst of static at the feeling.

Cygnus's charging port ached a little with yearning - it was empty and Cygnus wanted a blade or two buried in it. Palindrome noticed how Cygnus was shuddering and arching their back, and knew what Cygnus needed. They teased Cygnus a little first, gradually loosening the pressure of their modified charging port then suddenly ramping up the pressure inside when Cygnus least expected it, making Cygnus's vertical hold on their screen slip a little. 'Oh, how adorable,' Palindrome thought. "I've got you," said Palindrome, moving their hands to gently let down Cygnus's legs and then bringing them in to work Cygnus's charging port. Cygnus emitted the static equivalent of a luxurious sigh, as Palindrome's beautifully-maintained blades slid home. (Titan engineers clearly had access to higher-grade knife oil than Cygnus was used to.)

The two TVs carried on with a much gentler fuck, though still with Cygnus bearing down on the supine Palindrome, pressing into their charging port hard. Cygnus planted their feet on the floor and used their legs to add more thrust, making Palindrome's exo-plating creak. Palindrome trilled in delight at this treatment, and their sounds were echoed by Cygnus enjoying their touch. Cygnus shivered in delight at how Palindrome was able to slide their blades so quickly over Cygnus's connector-points on the inward thrust and rake over all of them on the slow outward thrust. Each time Palindrome pushed their blades into Cygnus and pulled them out, it pushed Cygnus themself up and down a little, releasing and compressing the pressure on Palindrome's charging port.

Cygnus climaxed first, their vertical hold slipping and their speakers clipping. Cygnus momentarily froze with a test card pattern on their screen, before recovering and continuing to press their blades to bring Palindrome to completion. Palindrome withdrew their blades and turned off their HotGrip mod to avoid overstimulating the post-orgasmic Cygnus, and caressed Cygnus's charging port. Palindrome climaxed and arched their back, pushing themself upwards into Cygnus's touch, holding there for a moment, before flopping back onto the floor. Cygnus withdrew and put away their blades and lay with Palindrome for a cuddle. The two TVs pressed into each other and purred their speakers in relaxation.

"Thank you for that experience," said Cygnus after a while. "You treated me wonderfully." Cygnus squeezed Palindrome tightly. "Thank you again," Cygnus purred. "…But I will decline the HotGrip mod after all. This has made me realise that, lovely though it is, it's not really my style."

"I'm very glad I could help you with that," Palindrome said softly while returning the squeeze. "It's always comforting to discover a truth about yourself. But if you ever do change your mind, my offer is open forever now that you've paid my fee. If you want me to install the mod one day, or just take the parts, all you ever have to do is ask."

"Thank you," said Cygnus, squeezing Palindrome's hand.

"You were thinking of getting the mod because you wanted to better pleasure Fornax, weren't you?" asked Palindrome.

"Correct," said Cygnus. "And I remembered what you said about exotic tastes, and it made me realise that having the mod wouldn't necessarily make me any better at sex… and then it reminded me of what you said about authenticity. I think… surprising Fornax with such an extreme mod would be more jarring for them than it would be pleasant, because it's out of character for me."

"Because you're not as big a slut as I am," offered Palindrome - then buzzed with laughter at Cygnus's bashful reaction.

"Speaking as a professional diplomat, I would word it differently," said Cygnus, "But essentially - yes."

Palindrome purred their speakers and displayed a delighted emoticon briefly. "Cuddle with me a little while longer before you go?" they asked.

Cygnus and Palindrome got up from the floor and regrouped on the sofa, squirming closer together, enjoying each other's warmth and being flopped together with satisfied sexual exhaustion.

"Don't forget -" Palindrome began, "Fornax loves you because they love the authentic Cygnus experience. So does Phaeton."

"Thank you for helping me realise that," said Cygnus. "…I'm just as grateful for the revelation as I am for the orgasm."

"Anytime, my friend," said Palindrome. "If you're ever curious about other sex mods or aphrodisiacs, I can point you in the right direction. Keep it all discreet though, won't you?"

"Of course. Discretion is something I'm well used to exercising, as a diplomat," said Cygnus.

Maybe, thought Palindrome, that wasn't the only thing of Cygnus's that they could get used to exercising…